I just had a small operation on my toe. Right now, the shots I got before is starting to wear off and the pain is coming in. I can't get my foot in my shoe without extreme discomfort, and I have to go to some school event to listen to people speak for hours on end, while I writher in physical and emotional pain. Yet … there IS a silver lining!
I get to walk around the house with a huge, bloody bandage on my big toes, grossing everybody out!
It’s worth the pain.
I hope.
"And Yitzchok loved Eisav … and Rivka loved Yaakov" (Bereishis 25:28).
From this pasuk, says Rav Pincus, it seems that Yitzchok has a lot of love for Eisav, yet seemingly had only a little love for Yaakov. If anything, one would think that it would be the opposite, given the nature of each child.
We learn that before Yaakov goes to live with Lavan, he stops at the Yeshiva of Shem and Eiver (Noach's son and great-grandson) to learn Torah from them. This behavior is a bit strange. After all, did he not learn all his Torah from Yitzchok? And was not Yitzchok the spiritual heir of Avraham? If so, what need did Yaakov have to go to that yeshivah? What was he missing that he did not receive from his own father?
Rav Pincus answers that each of the forefathers had their own individual spiritual paths. Just as Yitzchok was not like Avraham, Yaakov was not like Yitzchok. And all of Yaakov's children had their own paths, which were different from Yaakov's.
When a person feels that he has an influence on another, a natural love flows between them. This can be between a parent and child, husband and wife, or two friends. Yitzchok (thought he) had that connection with Eisav. He knew Eisav's natural weaknesses, and he worked hard to influence him in his way to overcome them. Yaakov, on the other hand, did not follow in Yitzchok's way. Yaakov had a different path of Torah which he needed to get from another source. So, naturally, the love between the two is not going to be as strong, since at a certain point, Yitzchok's influence was no longer what Yaakov needed.
I know somebody here in our community who's a Breslov chassid. Crazy individual. Extremely witty and entertaining, with an unlimited source of energy. He's also a well-respected rebbe in one of the boys schools. His parents live in Yerushaliyim and are pure Lithuanian. Very straight and no nonsense. Two completely different personalities. He could not follow that path, since it did not fit his personality, and obviously he felt he needed a different path to realize his true potential.
It's hard to believe, but in cases like this, there could be tension between the parents and the son. Yes, we would think that there should be no issues, because, after all, he's just as frum as he was before. So what if he should take a different path?
The answer lies in what Rav Pincus said. When two people have an influence on each other, love will grow. But when that influence wanes, it is natural that the love will, to an extent, wane as well.
It's important for parents to remember this. It's very easy for many to think "he's still frum, what's the problem?" when they themselves are not in the same position. But, when they are put in the same position, they too might feel something there they cannot explain.
Perhaps one way of overcoming that "lower-level" love, in such a case, is for the parents to start to learn from the child. Obviously, the child is taking a different path which they never took, and perhaps they themselves can learn a little bit from this path. Through learning through their children, there is still a connection, and an influence, except this time they are receiving and not giving. I don't know … just an idea.
Either way, it's a natural tendency that people have and that we should always be aware of, so we don't mistake these "lower-level-love" feelings for something else and ruin the relationship.
Have a wonderful Shabbos!