My wife came to me yesterday:
Wife: "I miss our son"
Me: "Both of them are playing in the other room, you can go see them at any time"
Wife: "Not them! The one in yeshiva! It will be two or three weeks until we see him again!"
(Silence)
Me: "We have a son in yeshiva?"
My belief regarding children is: When they're out of the house, they're out of my mind.
Most educators will tell you that it's a terrible and dangerous mentality to have, but I'm a man, so there's little to do to change it.
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Two interesting occurrences happened to me this week, which tie into this week's parsha.
The first was not so positive. We received a call from a parent whose seventh grader, along with others, was kicked out of class for a nice amount of time. Making matters worse, his father is constantly in the hospital for treatments.
Unfortunately, this particular teacher is well known in the community, and anybody who has had a child go through seventh and eighth grade (he's the afternoon teacher in eighth grade) knows that this person does not belong in any teaching position whatsoever. Every year he targets around a third of the class for punishment, and the others are not getting off easy themselves. Unfortunately, those who have the power to make changes refuse to do so, and each and every year, children and their parents suffer. We received a call, because the parents wanted to know what happened with our child and how we handled it. I was so disturbed by the phone call, even though I learned nothing new from it and it had no effect on my children, I just sat in the kollel that afternoon, barely able to learn.
The second was more positive and more interesting. I was taking a side journey one morning looking up something concerning giving ma'aser (10 percent of one's income to tzedakah). I ran into something which I thought was interesting, and I went to speak to a certain rav about it. In the discussion, he mentioned that one can use his ma'aser money, not for the education of his children, but for any trips that they take in school. This was a bit of news to me, so I asked him why. He explained that there is no obligation to pay for the trips (if you don't want to pay, you don't go, but you don't have to pay), and since it is for the "spiritual/mental health" of the child, it's considered to be a mitzvah which one can use his ma'aser money for. So, I pushed a bit further. My neighbor runs classes in his home every afternoon to teach woodworking and electricity to the children of the community. If somebody had one ADHD child and a non-ADHD child, he could use his ma'aser money to pay for the ADHD child, but not for the non-ADHD child? He replied in the affirmative.
Good to know!
So, what's the connection between the two?
"If your fellow Israelite does not live near you or you do not know who [the owner] is, you shall bring it home and it shall remain with you until your peer claims it; then you shall give it back. You shall do the same with that person’s donkey; you shall do the same with that person’s garment; and so too shall you do with anything that your fellow Israelite loses and you find: you must not remain indifferent" (Devarim 22:2-3).
The Gemara in Sanhedrin (73a) learns that these psukim are not only talking about monetary things, but also your neighbors' physical well-being as well. So, if one sees his neighbor having a heart attack, for example, when he calls an ambulance and helps him, the mitzvah he did stems from these psukim.
If there is a mitzvah to "give it back" regarding a lost item or a person's body, then for sure, one has an obligation to watch over a person's mental and spiritual well-being. And even if one cannot do anything about it, the pasuk tells us "you must not remain indifferent."
Perhaps this is the basis for the halacha I recently learned regarding how to give ma'aser. A child's spiritual and mental well-being is called a mitzvah, and one must do what he can to care for their children in this aspect, including using his tzedakah money.
And in cases with the teacher and the children who suffer from him? In this particular case, there is really nothing to be done. Those in charge have closed their eyes and ears. However, there is still the commandment "you must not remain indifferent." Perhaps this can be fulfilled by giving the parents or children words of encouragement. Undoubtedly, one can fulfill it by davening for the children and asking Hashem to change the situation. And I'm sure just by feeling the pain that they are going through, you are fulfilling such a commandment.