My wife and I have learned over the years that during the month of Elul or the last month of her pregnancies, things seem to "happen." And those things always involve me spending a good amount of money. This year was no different.
Right as Elul began, we had a burst water pipe. Thankfully, it was not within the walls, but it did cause a flood. Most of our place is covered in tile, so it didn't cause too much damage. But of course, it occurred in the two rooms that were not, and now we have mold growing while we wait out to hear back from the insurance company, who is acting just like insurance companies do.
Then our washing machine started to go. It's old and it's used all the time. My good friend who is in the business told us to just get a new one since it's not worth the repair. So, at least we got a new washing machine. Then the car started losing power when shifting. Turns out it was the m'mir (or converter, for those who know English). But wait! I just got that repaired five months ago and it's supposed to last years! Simple, says Dr. IFixCarsForMoney, it's because the engine is going. You'll need to replace that.
So, here we are, giving plenty of happiness to our credit card company, so they should be nice and happy as they start the new year. But the interesting thing? I was actually somewhat happy, believe it or not. First off, it's much easier to take "hits" directly from Hashem, and not via people. When people are involved, it gets much more … personal … and emotional. And you never know the proper course of action to take. Also, it's all on objects, not on our health. And most importantly, it was all during Elul, which is just … normal. We figured that Hashem was doing us a favor and "cleaning out our spiritual accounts" to make the judgement on Rosh Hashanah easier.
And when you compare these things to issues that other people have … well … again, you have to be thankful for what you get and how you get it.
As we all know, on Rosh Hashanah, three books are open, one for tzaddikim, one for reshoiyim (evil people), and one for benonim (those in the middle). On Yom Kippur, the judgement is signed and sealed. And on the last day of Sukkos, it's sent on its way to be put in the Heavenly database (at least in Israel, there's a good chance it will get lost in the mail, and never arrive).
Rav Eliezer Desler offers an interesting insight on how this works.
Who are the tzaddikim? Those who have come into Rosh Hashanah, after doing teshuvah.
Who are the reshoyim? Those are people who are spiritually dead. Using their own power of choice, they have brought themselves to such a level, they are unlikely to do teshuvah and are treated accordingly.
And who are the benonim? They live their lives in between higher and lower levels. Sometimes they do mitzvos well and live their lives properly, and sometimes, they don't. They do this by either sinning outright or they do mitzvos in a haphazard way, which is not appropriate for somebody on their level. So, they are given these ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur to figure out which direction they wish to go.
It's interesting to note that the rasha also has high and low points. However, his high point is only in thought, what in theory, he would like to be. "Yes, I eventually plan to become a Ben Torah!" However, only his low point is expressed in this world. He either sins or his does mitzvos in a haphazard way. His high point has no anchor in this world, since it's only in thought. However, his low point is what truly comes out of him.
On the other hand, for the benoni, his high points are as real as his low points. While the rasha says, "I want to be a Ben Torah" but does absolutely nothing to attain it, the benoni will say the same thing, but his actions will actually express that idea in this world. Being that even if it's not all the time, he WILL do mitzvos in a proper manner, and will maintain some form of connection with Hashem. His desires are anchored in this world.
How does one tell where he is holding?
Simple.
When one is actualizing a low point in his life, either via sin or via a laissez faire attitude towards the Torah, how does he feel afterwards? Let's say, he wastes his whole night watching movies, some of them with inappropriate things in them. And he goes straight to davening in the morning. How does he feel as he's putting on his tefillin? Is he feeling guilty? Is he feeling that he's living a life of contradiction? If so … it's a sign that he's a benoni. He's a person who expresses both his high points (doing mitzvos properly) and low points (all night watching movies) in this world. He's literally in the middle.
A rasha on the other hand, won't feel a thing. He will go and daven without feeling a bit of a guilt or a bit of a contradiction in his life. Why? Because his high points are all in thought and theory. Even if he does mitzvos in this world, since they are done by rote and without any feeling, they have no meaning for him. And that's why it doesn't make him feel a contradiction. When he puts on tefillin in the morning (assuming he does), the tefillin and the davening are meaningless to him and therefore don't stir feelings of guilt within him.
So, how does a rasha get out of it? The same way a benoni does. The benoni grabs his high point, which is already in this world, and builds on it. He takes that mitzvah or mitzvos and works on improving it. That in turn will spread to other mitzvos in his life.
The rasha too must grab his high point. However, since his high point is only in thought, he needs to make an effort, to bring that into reality in some way. He needs to take one mitzva, perhaps, and work on that and raise that up, by learning about it and performing it as best as he can. After that, his high point now has a anchor in reality, and he has now entered the world as a benoni.
So we see that we have our work cut out for us. Whether we're a benoni or a rasha, we have the same course of action: Grab on to our high points. Learn about them and improve them. And then we will be using that as a stepping stone to work on more areas in life. With this mode of thought and action, we are showing Hashem where our true inner desires are, despite our faults, and hopefully, that will merit us a successful upcoming year.
Have a wonderful Shabbos and an easy and meaningful Yom Kippur!