Bereishis

Well … I went to Meron last night.  First time in four years.

At first it was frustrating, because our town is one of the main pickup points to Meron, because many take transportation here and then switch to shuttles to Meron.  There were a few buses from our town to Meron, but if you could not get tickets, like most people, officially, you couldn’t go.  For whatever reason, you couldn’t simply hop on to the shuttles.

Well … that is if you don't act like an Israeli.

When I told a friend (Israeli) that I was planning on going with my older kids via the shuttles, he told me what I had already heard: The area is completely closed down and surrounded by police.  You’ll never get in.

HAH!  I said! Stop being such an American!

So, my kids and I went, got to the area, walked in as if we knew where we were going, past the barricades and the officers, and straight to the buses.  For whatever reason, the area was empty (which made NO sense, given the time), and the bus driver waved us over and said with a smile, “I’ve been waiting for you!”  So, we hopped on, and the bus took off!

We made it shortly before sunset, and was able to attend the first (and best) of the bonfire lightings.

The organization that went into it really amazed me, as always, and I was very impressed by the concern for safety (obviously, after what occurred four years ago).

We danced and sang, watched people, and finally returned home at midnight.

I felt bad for the people who we returned with who had to continue on to the center of the country.  They wouldn’t be getting home until three to four hours later.

Anyhow …

I heard a very nice talk by Rav Breitowitz from Ohr Somayach.

As we know, there is a tradition that the students of Rebbe Akiva stopped dying on Lag B’Omer.  And as we also know, the reason that was given for the plague that killed them was that they did not treat each other with proper kavod (honor).

Of course, many people misinterpret this to mean that they were mean to each other, but such a thing could not be possible.  These were students of Rebbe Akiva; they were above such petty things.

Rav Breitowitz notes that the word Kavod (honor) contains the same letters for the word in Hebrew for Kaved “heavy.” In English, in order to show a person is an expert in their field, we would say, “He’s a heavyweight …” or something similar.  In Hebrew as well, being “heavy” shows a certain "depth" that a person has.

Sometimes, and I’m speaking about all of you, certainly not me, we look at other people, and we speak to them with a smile, we treat them well, we’re nice to them, we do chesed for them, but, we do so as a higher person looking down at a lower person.  We look at them as people who lack a certain depth that we have.

This is where the students of Rebbe Akiva failed, says Rav Breitowitz.  They treated each other with respect and treated each other properly.  However, each one, on the inside, couldn’t see that the other had as much depth, if not more, than he.  And with that attitude, they couldn’t learn from each other.  And because of this flaw, they could not be the leaders to transmit Torah from one generation to the next.

Rav Breitowitz also added another good point.

Twenty-four thousand people died in that plague and we have a 33-day mourning period (halachically speaking).  Six million people people died in the Holocaust, yet, we have no (Torah or Rabbinic) mandate of mourning for them.  Why is this?

First off, we have to understand what mourning is in the Torah.  Holocaust Remembrance Day is a day of sadness and learning history.  But there is no “lesson learned.”  We don’t say, “It’s because of this sin and that sin, which brought the Holocaust, and therefore we need to work on fixing it.”  Part of the reason is because it was invented by the secular world, which does not acknowledge such a world view.  But mainly, because we have no clear answer to what we did wrong.

During this 33-day period, we DO know what went wrong.  So the mourning isn’t so much as period of sadness, it’s a period of looking at what went wrong AND working on fixing it up and growing from it.

So, with that, I wish you all an amazing Shabbos!

Right before Sukkos I received a comic which was printed in one of the papers, which was titled "Sukkos in the North."  Standing inside a sukkah, were a boy and a girl, and the girl says, "No, you need enough space in the schach to see the yerutim (missile intercepts)."  It was a cute, yet sad, statement on the situation.

Twelve hours later, at 3 a.m., I was awoken in my sukkah by a very loud explosion.  As I sat up, I HEARD the "woosh" of a low-flying rocket, followed by another explosion.  I ran out of the sukkah to get the kids in their sukkah (I don't share my sukkah with no-one!), where I hear the woosh and the explosion of a third.  I see the kids are up as well as we run into the house.  Around 20 seconds later, the air-raid sirens woke up and gave a half a round of wailing before going silent.

I asked the kids if they saw what happened, and they replied, 'Yeah, we saw it through the schach!"

Sigh.

At least, for us, it's been relatively quiet since. (Of course, you know right after I send this, we'll get attacked)

I ran into the Gemara in Taanis (22b-23a) which discusses the concept of having too much blessing in life.  The Gemara quotes a teaching: "When the Torah writes, 'I will bless you with rains in their time,' it means that it will not be too much and it will not be too little.  If it's too much, the land becomes muddy and the ground does not produce proper fruits.  Another way to understand the words 'in their times,' is that the rains should fall on Tuesday night (the reason for this night is beyond the scope of this writing) and Shabbos night, when people do not venture out."

As support, it tells us of the time of Rebbe Shimon ben Shetach, who lived at the time where the grandsons of the original Maccabees ruled the country.  Unfortunately, the grandchildren did not live up to their grandparents' standards.  At one point, the king died and it was the queen, Shlomis, who ruled over Eretz Yisroel.  Shlomis just happened to be the sister of Rebbe Shimon ben Shetach, and together they prosecuted those who led the nation astray and began to rebuild the nation's spiritual life.

In those times, the Gemara reports, the rains fell only on Tuesday nights and on Shabbos nights, and the "wheat became as large as kidneys, the barley as large as olive pits, the lentils as large as gold coins, and they put some away for future generations to show how much sin ruins, as it is stated (Yermiyah 5:25): ' Your sins have turned these away, and your transgressions have withheld the good from you.'"

Sin doesn't just bring negative things to the world, but it withholds good from flowing into our lives.  We think that our world, as we see it, is what things are "supposed to be" and when we sin, things go down from there.  However, we see from this Gemara, that wheat should be as large as kidneys, barley should be as large as olive pits…. THAT is what is "supposed to be," and unfortunately, we have cut off that good from flowing down.

And this is what we learn in this week's parsha.

Adam was given what was supposed to be.  Everything good at its fullest potential.  But that one sin caused a clog in the spiritual pipes, if you will.  And that good is diminished.  It's still good, but … it's not as good as it's supposed to be.

When we build ourselves spiritually, not only does it help keep us away from negative repercussions, but it also allows more good to flow down into our lives, and slowly moves us from Good Minus, to Good Plus.

Wishing you all a wonderful Simchas Torah and Shabbos!

Wartime in Israel.  Nothing like it. No better place to be.

Right now the entire country is reeling from the devastating news.  Over 1200 killed in a few days.  They have found over 1500 dead terrorists WITHIN Israel. And the stories … our Hebrew is not the best, but thankfully it's good enough to understand Israeli news and interviews.  You hear things that nobody outside the country hears.  Extremely detailed, powerful, and disturbing.

And while, thankfully, we have not seen any action ourselves, and none of my family is in direct danger, the smallness of the country forces you to be affected even within a degree of separation.  We have neighbors who have sons on the frontlines as we speak.  My daughter's teacher lost her brother on the first day of fighting.  My wife's good friend lost her manager.  My oldest son learns in a small settlement 4 km from the Lebanese border, which took a rocket hit last night (thankfully, they moved away right before).  And while there have been some minor, but growing, issues here in the north, things are still safe but the air is certainly filled with worry, with food prices rising and shelves emptying out.  We have nonstop air patrols, and when you hear a flight of helicopters, you know something is going on.  Bunkers are now open, and people are stocking up on food and supplies, just in case, and businesses are short-staffed since so many reservists have been called up.  Again, B"H, it's still quiet, but the feeling in the air … it's thick.

What's more impressive is how the country has come together, all the more so, being that it was on the verge of a social civil war just a few weeks ago.  The amount of chesed being done by ALL stripes of Israeli society to help soldiers and those in need is something to behold.  We went to buy food and saw many people filling their carts with supplies to send to the soldiers.  Tzitzis are being made en-masse for soldiers, both religious and non-religious, who are requesting them.  We, ourselves, are on a list to receive a small family from any border town that needs a place to stay. Truckloads of supplies are being privately transported from one end of the country to the other by volunteer civilians.  I went with my oldest daughter to donate blood only to be turned away, since there were too many people.  One soldier took a video of himself saying that while it is his pleasure to serve in the reserves, he realized that there is another good reason for him to serve, as he jumped into a car full of candies, cookies, and treats that they received.  He "yelled" at everybody to stop sending … they don't need to come out of a war just to start a diet!

So, even if you do not have a direct role in the (physical aspect) of the war, you certainly feel that the amount of mitzvos of unity, chesed, prayer, and tzedakah that is being done, will certainly be a merit in this time of great danger.

Rav Yaakov Meir Schechter teaches us that there are two types of tears in the world.  One is of sadness and depression, and one is of true bitterness and of a broken heart that wishes to have a connection with Hashem.  The first is to be avoided at all costs.  It serves no benefit.  Rather, it serves only to help the Yetzer Horah.

My wife is part of an Israeli WhatsApp group, which receives videos from soldiers from the front.  Several of them, both religious and non-religious, have begged people, "Don't pay attention to the news!  Don't give into depression!  We are strong, we are ready!  Be happy with life and be happy that you're part of Am Yisroel!"

The first step in any victory is to stay far away from depression.  And if people who are putting their lives on the frontline, seeing and experiencing things that we don't, can do it, we certainly can as well.

The second set of tears is what brings salvation.

"And a mist went up from the land and watered all the face of the earth" (Bereishis 2:6).

The Midrash writes that when cries of bitterness and longing rise up from the earth to G-d, they initiate a great flow of Divine blessing that waters the earth and brings material and spiritual blessing.

The Mishnah (Sotah 49b) writes that "in the period that precedes the arrival of Moshiach, there will be a great increase of chutzpah (arrogance)." Usually, we learn this in a bad way.  Rav Uri of Strelisk, however, takes it in a positive light.  In the generation before Moshiach, he explained, the Yetzer Horah will try to prevent people from serving Hashem by bringing a cloud of sadness and depression into the world.  Even people who are sincerely devoted to Torah study and prayer will be overwhelmed at times by an utterly irrational sense of sadness and failure.  He says, "You're not worth anything! You're empty!  After years of working on yourself, what have you to show for it!  Why bother continuing on this path?"

He notes that such feelings never come to a person when he is going to eat or sleep.  Because the Yetzer Horah is not bothered by that.  Only when the person attempts to do anything spiritual will these thoughts "suddenly" occur.

Right now, we have been dealt a very, very heavy blow.  And we don't know what will be next.  Is this limited to one front?  Will a second open up?  How long do we have until the world, once again, turns on us?  All these things can, and will, lead to depression.  However, we need to have the chutzpah to fight against these feelings.  They serve no purpose but to lower our morale and our ability to fight the spiritual aspect of the war.++By crying out only tears of bitterness and desire for Am Yisroel and Hashem to be close together, will the "mist go up from the land and water the face of the earth".

Like most yeshivos, my son had off on Friday afternoon.  For fun, they decided to go to the beach as a group.  Obviously not to swim, since it's too cold, but to get out and get some fresh air.  He told me that he actually saw fishermen using drones to hover over the water where they couldn't reach with their poles, and dip the bait in.  When the drones feel the tug of a fish, the drones lift up and carry the fish back to the fisherman!  To me, it takes out the "fun" of fishing, but as he pointed out, these people aren't fishing for fun, but rather to sell on the market.

Once again, technology changes how we do things.

When you see Christian art depicting "The Sacrifice of Issac," you often see an old man (Avraham) holding a knife in both hands, about to slaughter a tiny baby in a basket (Yitzchok).  However, even from the most simple reading of the Torah, you can see that Yitzchok was not a baby at the time.  And that's why you have some art depicting Yitzchok as a young man.  In fact, this is supported by the Torah itself, which uses the term "naar" to describe Yitzchok, which translates roughly as "young man."

However, we know that Yitzchok was not a young man at the time.  Rather, he was 37 years old! Which adds a little more drama to the story.

If Avraham was about to sacrifice a baby, okay ,,, the baby can't do anything about it.  If he was about to sacrifice a nine-year-old ... it's possible to trick or brainwash such a child into putting himself into a situation where somebody will slaughter him, because some mortal figure said so.  But somebody who's 37?  Yes, brainwashing is always possible, but at this age?  He's not at the age where he can't think for himself in any way.  If he's going to his death, he's going to his death, because he believes it.  And that shows you who Yitzchok was.

But that leaves us with a question.  Why is he called a "naar," a young man, at the age of 37?

Generally, when a person gets older, he tends to get more and more set in his ways.  It's difficult for him to learn to change.  I don't know why.  Well, I do ... but right now I'm picturing Grandpa Simpson yelling at a cloud (three points if you know what I'm talking about).

However, the Torah was teaching us that Yitzchok was no "old man" at the age of 37.  He was still a "young man" in terms of his willingness and ability to learn and grow.  He went, not because he was stuck in a certain mentality, but because he was able to understand and learn on his own what was expected of him, especially in such a strange and difficult situation that he was placed in.

I think the lesson from this is clear.  As we get older, it is only natural for us to "stick to our guns" on what we believe and know.  We become less likely to open our minds and to learn new things or new ways (obviously within the realm of Torah).  And it's important to remember that we need to always remain "young" in that regard, always be open to learning and changing our ways according to what Hashem demands of us during certain times and situations, rather than sticking only what we know and feel comfortable with.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

I hope everybody had a good Sukkos.  An old friend of mine and his family flew in and spent the week with our family.  Given that we are rather similar, our wives say ‘identical’, in our personalities, needless to say, we all had a vacation full of non-stop laughter.  He was nice enough to sponsor a driver for the day for both families, where I planned an eight-hour tour of northern Israel.  And I think his Simchas Torah (which was not even Yom Tov for us in Israel) was more enjoyable than our Simchas Torah.  In fact, he did his own hakafos and gave all of his family members at least one aliyah… his wife and daughter had the honour of rolling the “Sefer Torah” and putting it back (only after his daughter complained that she received only one aliyah).  It was a very enjoyable week that unfortunately, had to come to an end.

Oh well.

On to Torah!

When conversing with Mr. Snake, Chava (aka Eve), told him, “It is only about fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden that God said: ‘You shall not eat of it or touch it, lest you die’” (Bereishis 3:3).

As many have previously pointed out, the actual commandment was not to eat it, however she was allowed to touch it.  And when Mr. Snake pushed her into the tree and she did not in fact die, that gave him the opening he needed to push her further into trouble.

After seeing this, I could not help to think about the importance of not only learning Jewish law, but learning it properly, knowing what is the correct halacha, where one can be lenient, and where one can be stringent.  When learning halacha incorrectly, a person can put themselves at serious risk and can damage themselves and others.

Shortly after we were married, my wife saw me doing something on Shabbos.  She was a bit shocked and told me that it was completely forbidden.  I replied that she was referring only to a stringent opinion and showed her my “source.” Unfortunately for her, when she learned it originally, she was only taught one opinion and that opinion was the end-all-be-all opinion.

On the other hand, I’ve spoken to a few people here who are completely ignorant concerning certain important halachos.  They do not lead their lives based on learning something and deciding what to do, but rather based on not knowing anything and not wanting to be bothered to learn anything at all.  So now, out of laziness, they are doing things that are completely forbidden!

So, we see that mistakes can be made by not learning halacha properly or simply by not learning them at all.  Therefore, we have a basic obligation to know what to do, what is considered lenient, what is considered stringent, when can one “lean” on those opinions, and even know what has no basis in halacha.  Armed with this, a person will have a hard time going wrong.

Have a great Shabbos!

I have been in discussion with two rabbeim whom I greatly respect regarding the situation in today's (Jewish) world, especially in certain unnamed cities (both in the US and Israel). It's a weird mix between religious obligations and love of politics. In a certain place not to be named here, lest it defile the Dvar Torah, you have a group of people making a certain rabble-rouser their new "Rebbe" and Trump as the new messiah. Here in Israel, you have some groups whose hatred for the government is so strong, that they are unwilling to listen to anything they are told. You have several camps of respected doctors, professors and whatnot, who are at odds on how to defeat or keep Corona at bay. Are masks good or are they not? What should be done with the economy? What should be done with the elderly and more susceptible? Are rules based on politics or economics or a genuine desire to do the right thing? Those who are at home with children: Do you keep to your personal stringencies regarding things like technology or do you become more lenient? Should you daven with a minyan with people without masks? Should you even daven for a person who gets sick when he intentionally put himself in danger? (A real question which was posed, it seems.)



It's not a fun time, because it is a time marked with confusion.


I think there are a few things one needs to remember during these
times.

1. We're still in exile. We are under the rulers of other nations. WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL. We seem to forget that, because in the past, if we had protested in the streets, we would have been killed on the spot. Yet, the "anti-semites" or "anti-religious" governments allow us to do so freely today.

2. Whether or not the decisions by such governments are correct or if they have been poisoned by politics (which clearly they have been, in both the US and Israel), we as Jews, still have an obligation to do our part in making sure that people are not harmed by our actions.

3. Our job is not to be overly involved in the news (even so-called "religious news outlets") and politics. Our job always was and always has been to learn Torah and to act according to the Torah. When big rabbeim go out to protest, then you go out to protest. I have yet to see one big rav going to any protest in any country. I have been to one protest here in Israel, called by the leading rabbeim, and I can assure you
it was very large and very peaceful, and the police were bored out of their minds.

4. We follow the leading rabbeim of our generation, we do not follow those who simply know how to make the news, Jew or non-Jew, religious or secular.

5. Each person should have a rav who has a connection with those greater than he.



All think, by remembering those five things, one can say that they are doing their best to follow Hashem's way through very confusing times.



In the famous standoff between the snake and Chava (how did her name get to be translated to "Eve"?), Chava explained that not only could she not eat from the Tree of Knowledge, but she cannot even touch it. Yet, we know that Hashem only prohibited the eating of the fruit.



Rebbe Nachman m'Breslov writes that this extra stringency came from the "Light of Hashem that is in the heart of Yisroel." Loosely translated: it was done out of love for Hashem. Sometimes, he explains, a person's love for Hashem burns so deeply that even the 613 commandments is not enough for them. They need even more closeness. And with that desire, they start forbidding things that are allowed in order to keep this connection strong and unwavering with Hashem.


This idea, Rebbe Nachman writes, is impossible to have and maintain.
As we know, a life is a universe unto itself. And if a person
nullifies himself to such a point, it's as if he no longer exists and
is therefore destroying that particular universe, which is something
that Hashem is not interested in at all. Rather, He wants each
individual to work according to their level and to build their own
personal universe. This is the way of the Torah, not to go to the
left or to the right. Just as going "left" (liberal) is considered
off the path, so too, going "right" (overly strict) is considered off
the path.



Many times, Rebbe Nachman writes, a person will experience a spiritual high which is far beyond his level, that he will ultimately crash down to a place far below where he was once previously standing. Here, Chava was being overly righteous by forbidding that which was allowed, which ultimately led her and Adam to not only touch the tree, but to eat from it as well, leaving them in a much lower place than where they were before.



This was the sin of Adam and Chava. It was not an act of rebellion, but rather an act to fulfill their desire to be close to Hashem. However, it was not done in a proper way, which is a slow but constant growth.



This of course, leads to a big question. So many of the halachos that we follow are rabbinic in nature. They are barriers put up by the Sanhedrin or their students to keep us away from doing sins on a Torah level. So, what's the difference? Why is one form of stringency considered good and proper and another form is considered destructive?



I think the main difference is that Chava equated her personal stringencies and made them as if Hashem Himself commanded her. She added on to the Torah. Rabbinic halachos are just that, rabbinic. We know what Hashem commanded and we know what we added on to protect ourselves from disobeying the Torah.



This is why it is very important not only to learn halacha properly (and in depth, if possible), but to have a competent rav who himself has a competent rav. Thereby one will know what is a legitimate stringency (whether on a personal level or on a halachic level) and what is being "overly righteous."



Having knowledge of what is legitimate and what is not will ultimately have an affect if you will descend, thinking yourself in ascension, or truly growing as Hashem wants you to.

Welcome back!

I hope everybody had a good set of yomim tovim.  Ours was very nice, thank you.  Busy, but nice.

My soon-to-be 11-year-old davened with me this year, as he has in the past two years for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.  This year, however, was different.  He stayed in davening the entire time, all three days.  And that’s with getting up at 5:15 a.m.  I was thinking about that and comparing it to me when I was his age.  I remember having to go to shul even for a couple of hours was pure torture, and here he is staying in shul, in the davening for six hours each day of Rosh Hashanah and all day on Yom Kippur.  Obviously, there are some “slight” differences in the way I grew up and he grew up, and I guess that is the key towards his mentality.

It always upset me when I heard secular Jewish parents get upset because their children married out.  Yet, they refuse to take any responsibility for making sure that their children received a proper Jewish education in the first place.  Or even more importantly, if every other mitzvah was clearly not important to the parent, why should this one mitzvah be important to the child? 

Which brings us to something in this week’s parsha.

“And G-d saw all that He had made and behold it was very good” (Bereishis 1:31). 

The Medresh (Bereishis Rabbah 9:5) says that the words “very good” refer to death.  Which raises the obvious question: why would death be considered “very good”?

Rav Shach says that for somebody who is righteous, there is no fear of the day of death.  Many people, when confronting the end of their lives, often wonder “What have I done with my life? Have I made a difference?” which often leads to depression.

However, a person who can honestly say, “I did my very best," knows that he has nothing to fear.  In fact, he will be happy knowing that he did everything that he could do.

Society focuses a lot on outcome.  G-d doesn’t.  He asks for nothing more than that each person puts in their 100 percent.  Once, my rav told me of his great-grandfather.  He did not know him personally, and the only thing his mother remembers about him, was when he would come home after work, he would always be learning.  So my rav asked me, “So, who do you think has a bigger portion in the Next World?  Him or Rav Eliashuv?  I’ll tell you who; they probably both have the same.  Why? Because they both pushed themselves as far as they can go, and that’s what’s important.”

So, when it comes down to personal development or child raising, if one did his best, even if things did not work out as he hoped for, he still can be happy, because he did his job fully.

With that I wish you a wonderful Shabbos!

New neighbors arrived two-and-a-half months ago. Right behind us. A Russian woman with two teenage children who live there part time, and her live-in boyfriend, who obviously has a skin condition that requires him never to wear a shirt. They are not Jewish, don’t speak Hebrew (though the children do), are loud, don’t seem to have any jobs, yet are paying 5000 NIS/month in rent and own a car. They have no furniture in their living room, since they literally spend most of their time in their courtyard, which is separated from ours by a bamboo fence, and is only 4 meters from our building. Oh yeah... remember Cruella DeVille (101 Dalmatians)? Yep. That’s her. She dyes her hair white, smokes like a factory in Gary, Indiana, and has this evil and immature laugh. We couldn’t believe that she was actually a mother to children.

I won’t go into all the details (which are really fun), but since they’ve moved in, the noise pollution (especially at night, when they have something like a television outside on full volume up until 1a.m.) and smoke pollution has gone up, and we have suffered a lot from it. There’s been a cold war on since they moved in (despite my wife's introducing herself…sort of, since the woman could barely understand her), and we didn’t know how to proceed.

On Sukkos, they took it to Defcon Two. When we dared have some music in our Sukkah, 1.5 meters from their outdoor living room, they started blasting bass music for hours on end. When I asked them to turn it down and go in at 11:30pm, they 'agreed', said their final, yet immature comment, laughed, and turned it down. Finally, after consulting with some neighbors, we were able to get hold of the person renting his home to them. My next-door neighbor made a second, separate call, and thankfully, since then, they’ve toned it done, and by 11p.m. all is much quieter (you can get ticketed after 11p.m. for being too loud).

The smoke pollution is still an issue, and there is certainly something going on there which is not kosher…like their financial situation. So, we’re just davening really hard that they should simply go away. Other than that…Sukkos was great!

There’s an interesting Midrash that states that Hashem created many worlds, destroying each one, until he created this one, which received his approval (Bereishis Rabba 9:2). It’s something that is difficult to comprehend, since Hashem does not need to experiment in order to get things right. Rav Shach explains it as follows:

This midrash should be understood in the light of the Sages' teaching that Hashem “looked into the Torah and created the world." Being that, Hashem did not do this in order to “try things out," but rather to show us how to live our lives. Whenever a situation arises, whether in life or in learning, one sets out with an initial position. From that position, he needs to search out the strengths and weaknesses of such a position. Then accordingly, change the position, so the strengths are strengthened and the weaknesses are weakened. All this is in order to get to the truth of the matter. And that is what Hashem is teaching us by creating multiple worlds, and destroying each one, until he “arrived” at the right one.

A friend of mine has been going through a time of childlessness after a couple of children. Obviously it’s hard on him, but even harder on his wife. Unfortunately, his wife had a run-in with another person at the park not so long ago. This woman has a baby every year-and-a-half or so. Of course, she considers each one to be a bracha and cannot wait for the next. However, she was talking to my friend’s wife about how overwhelmed she is, how she feels that she’s neglecting them, and how she’s always yelling at her children, and has had the police called on her because she yells so much (that’s not an indicator of abuse in Israel…in fact, we had the police called on us when one of our babies was sick and crying a lot…but it still says something). She continued to go on about how hard it is, and of course my friend’s wife is thinking “Perhaps you should go on birth-control?”

After her rant, she starts asking my friend’s wife about her children and made a rather insensitive comment about how old their youngest is, shocked that she doesn’t have any more after that. Needless to say, this woman was very hurt by the callousness of the comment, coming from such a person. My friend later spoke to his rav, who I happen to know is an amazing person, and without children himself, and he said the following: “You need to judge this woman favorably, as hard as that sounds. People who make such complaints regarding their parenting skills and their children, are complaining to others of the situation that they are in, and are usually jealous of those with fewer children, as strange as that seems to be. People like this don’t even think that they need to ask a rav if they should be on birth-control, and continue to have more and more children, despite not being able to parent properly the ones that they currently have. You need to understand that she did not make this comment out of maliciousness or even a lack of communication skills (which my friend attributed the comment to). She’s simply crying out in pain and doesn’t know how come up with a solution."

Throughout our lives, we need to rethink how we think and constantly reanalyze situations. Often, this "critical thinking" can be used in interpersonal relationships when things are not going so smoothly. By examining each “path of thought,” one can arrive at the truth.

(This of course, does not apply to my neighbors. I mean, that’s a given, right?)

Have a great Shabbos!

New neighbors arrived two-and-a-half months ago. Right behind us. A Russian woman with two teenage children who live there part time, and her live-in boyfriend, who obviously has a skin condition that requires him never to wear a shirt and shorts. They are not Jewish, don’t speak Hebrew (though the children do), are loud, don’t seem to have any jobs, yet are paying 5000 NIS/month in rent and own a car. They have no furniture in their living room, since they literally spend most of their time in their courtyard, which is separated from ours by a bamboo fence, and is only 4 meters from our building. Oh yeah... remember Cruella DeVille (101 Dalmatians)? Yep. That’s her.  Literally. She dyes her hair white, smokes like a factory in Gary, Indiana, and has this evil and immature laugh. We couldn’t believe that she was actually a mother to children.

I won’t go into all the details (which are really fun), but since they’ve moved in, the noise pollution (especially at night, when they have something like a television outside on full volume up until 1a.m.) and smoke pollution has gone up, and we have suffered a lot from it. There’s been a cold war on since they moved in (despite my wife's introducing herself…sort of, since the woman could barely understand her), and we didn’t know how to proceed.

On Sukkos, they took it to Defcon Two. When we dared have some music in our Sukkah, 1.5 meters from their outdoor living room, they started blasting bass music for hours on end. When I asked them to turn it down and go in at 11:30pm, they 'agreed', said their final, yet immature comment, laughed, and turned it down. Finally, after consulting with some neighbors, we were able to get hold of the person renting his home to them. My next-door neighbor made a second, separate call, and thankfully, since then, they’ve toned it done, and by 11p.m. all is much quieter (you can get ticketed after 11p.m. for being too loud).

The smoke pollution is still an issue, and there is certainly something going on there which is not kosher…like their financial situation. So, we’re just davening really hard that they should simply go away. Other than that…Sukkos was great!

There’s an interesting Midrash that states that Hashem created many worlds, destroying each one, until he created this one, which received his approval (Bereishis Rabba 9:2). It’s something that is difficult to comprehend, since Hashem does not need to experiment in order to get things right. Rav Shach explains it as follows:

This midrash should be understood in the light of the Sages' teaching that Hashem “looked into the Torah and created the world." Being that, Hashem did not do this in order to “try things out," but rather to show us how to live our lives. Whenever a situation arises, whether in life or in learning, one sets out with an initial position. From that position, he needs to search out the strengths and weaknesses of such a position. Then accordingly, change the position, so the strengths are strengthened and the weaknesses are weakened. All this is in order to get to the truth of the matter. And that is what Hashem is teaching us by creating multiple worlds, and destroying each one, until he “arrived” at the right one.

A friend of mine has been going through a time of childlessness after a couple of children. Obviously it’s hard on him, but even harder on his wife. Unfortunately, his wife had a run-in with another person at the park not so long ago. This woman has a baby every year-and-a-half or so. Of course, she considers each one to be a bracha and cannot wait for the next. However, she was talking to my friend’s wife about how overwhelmed she is, how she feels that she’s neglecting them, and how she’s always yelling at her children, and has had the police called on her because she yells so much (that’s not an indicator of abuse in Israel…in fact, we had the police called on us when one of our babies was sick and crying a lot…but it still says something). She continued to go on about how hard it is, and of course my friend’s wife is thinking “Perhaps you should go on birth-control?”

After her rant, she starts asking my friend’s wife about her children and made a rather insensitive comment about how old their youngest is, shocked that she doesn’t have any more after that. Needless to say, this woman was very hurt by the callousness of the comment, coming from such a person. My friend later spoke to his rav, who I happen to know is an amazing person, and without children himself, and he said the following: “You need to judge this woman favorably, as hard as that sounds. People who make such complaints regarding their parenting skills and their children, are complaining to others of the situation that they are in, and are usually jealous of those with fewer children, as strange as that seems to be. People like this don’t even think that they need to ask a rav if they should be on birth-control, and continue to have more and more children, despite not being able to parent properly the ones that they currently have. You need to understand that she did not make this comment out of maliciousness or even a lack of communication skills (which my friend attributed the comment to). She’s simply crying out in pain and doesn’t know how come up with a solution."

Throughout our lives, we need to rethink how we think and constantly reanalyze situations. Often, this "critical thinking" can be used in interpersonal relationships when things are not going so smoothly. By examining each “path of thought,” one can arrive at the truth.

(This of course, does not apply to my neighbors. I mean, that’s a given, right?)

Have a great Shabbos!

I hope everybody had a good yom tov.

This year, a few members of the kollel put together an early minyan at the cheder. There were around fifteen of us all in all. Davening started at 6 a.m. and everything finished at 11:30 a.m. Since it was a small group, the dancing was great, it went much quicker, without feeling rushed. The women had a much bigger area, both inside and outside, and the kids, instead of playing around or doing who-knows-what, were dancing as well.

At one point, different people were given "honors" to lead a particular hakafah. One said it in Yiddish, and one said it in Russian. They then wrapped up my soon-to-be eight-year-old son in a tallis, so he can “lead” and were pressuring him to say it in English. Unfortunately, he couldn’t, since his English is not as great as they think it is. But, he did it well in Hebrew, and felt like “one of the guys.”

My wife made an interesting observation. If I was not the oldest, I was the second oldest in the group. Most of the men were in their mid to late twenties, and between us . . . I’m not. Yet, they were able to put together a minyan; several of them knew how to read the Torah properly; they knew what changes in davening there were; what tunes are used, and it ran smoothly.

In most other religions outside of Judaism, you need a priest, cleric, rabbi, Grand Poomba, or whatever in order to “have a service.” That cleric is the educated person, and acts as the manager or the “go-between,” between the congregation and whatever they are worshipping. Without him, nobody knows what to properly do.

Torah Judaism is completely different.

Within the Torah world, Torah education is primary. Therefore, if you receive a proper education, YOU will know what to do, and YOU can get together and make your own “service,” without some “go-between.”

Interesting observation.
“In the image of G-d (B’tzelem Elokim), He created him . . .” (Bereishis 1:27)

A somewhat famous question comes from this. We know that Hashem does not have a body. If so, how can we be created in “His image (b’tzelem)”?

Rav Meshulum Finkelstein writes in the name of the Arizal, that there are three tools that are useful to use when davening (which we know, is a form of connection between us and Hashem). Tzedakah, Lilmod Musar (learning ethical works), and Mikvah.

Concerning Tzedakah, it is known that somebody who gives tzedakah maintains or shares in the creation of the world. It is said in Tehillim 89:3, “Forever (olam) will kindness be built.” However, it can also be read (through the Hebrew, of course), “The world (olam), with kindness, is built.” So, like Hashem, when you give tzedakah, you are also building the world.

Concerning Lilmod Mussar, learning ethical works; when a person learns mussar, he is learning how to act as a Jew should act. Many such ethical works show how to learn through Torah how Hashem acts, and how we need to act in similar ways. So, by learning mussar, we are emulating how Hashem acts.

When a person goes to the mikvah, his body and soul receive a purification of a sort, which brings him to a higher level of purity, and closer to Hashem.

These three things, say the Arizal, are helpful tools to connect to Hashem in prayer. If you take the first letter of each thing: “Tzedakah” is a tzadi, “Lilmod mussar” is a lamed, and “Mikvah” is a mem, and put them together, you get the word “Tzelem,” or “image.” By using these tools in our davening, we are, in practice, being “in His image.”

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

Michael Winner

The last three months or so have been non-stop 90+ degree weather. That’s not including the humidity and the three-day sandstorm that covered the country. One day I took the thermometer outside in the shade, and it registered 104. In the sun, it maxed out at 120, so we know it was more. Needless to say, it was a very hot summer which has put our relationship with most of our children on edge.

Two days after Simchas Torah, we had our first rainfall in six months, which made EVERYBODY happy. It’s still humid, but at least it’s cooled down (though I see it’s expected to be in the high 80s-low 90s again). We’re all davening for a nice, cool, wet winter . . .

Okay, on to Torah!
Rav Shimshon Pincus asks on this week’s parsha, “The test given to Adam was not to eat from the Eitz HaDaas (Tree of Knowledge). All that is evil and corrupt for man, the Torah terms it ‘Eitz HaDaas.’ But why shouldn’t it be called ‘Eitz HaTumah’ (Tree of Impurity) or ‘Eitz HaAvodah Zorah’ or something like that?

“The answer is that the deepest darkness is to be found in none other than ‘Eitz HaDaas,’ the ‘Tree of Knowledge.’ This name denotes the desire to know everything that is happening in the world around us, which incites lust for all the new pleasures and gratifications that are constantly coming out.”

Rav Pincus was constantly warning people of the dangers of anything outside of Torah. Even if it isn’t forbidden.

He once told how he was on a series of long flights abroad in the older 747s (the ones without the personal TV screens). Of course, he never watched the movies, however, one time, after spending hours upon hours in flights, something caught his attention: Bugs Bunny. He thought to himself, “Nu? What’s a few minutes of Bugs Bunny going to do to me?” So, he watched three minutes of Bugs Bunny. He said those three minutes taught him a big lesson. Why? Because for the entire week afterwards, every time he went to daven, all he had in his head was “Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing . . . .” Bugs Bunny!

Is Bugs Bunny something forbidden? No, it isn’t. But it takes your attention away from what IS important.

A friend of ours recently had over a secular electrician at his house. He was mentioning that his wife was really upset with him because instead of spending Rosh Hashanah with her, he was going to travel around Europe with his friends. He couldn’t exactly understand his wife’s position on this (shocker), so my wife’s friend said to him that perhaps it would be best to at least bring back a gift for her to try to appease her. He said, “Nah . . . I’ll give her a hug when I get back. Women like that sort of thing. Of course you people (the religious) don’t do any of that and probably don’t know it, but that’s all a woman needs.”

This not only serves as a great example of the utter stupidity of men, but also gives a nice example to the point being made. When a couple gets married, he is her life and she is his life. If anything catches his attention that is not her, then the love is not complete.

Another great example that I heard a while ago. Somebody told me that they know somebody who learns Daf Yomi (where you learn one page of Gemara a day, keeping to a strict schedule). He was planning on going on vacation for a few days, and he wanted to maximize it. So, instead of finding time to learn every day, he learned ahead of schedule, and proudly remarked that he can now enjoy his vacation.

He was far more interested in the “Tree of Knowledge” than any relationship with Hashem, since that only got in the way.

Our relationship with Hashem is like any other meaningful relationship. It’s based on love and loyalty. Yes, there are many things out there which are not forbidden, but do they take our focus away from our real relationship? The more we slowly peel away the “non-essentials” and focus on the essentials, the deeper our relationship goes with Hashem.

Have a great Shabbos!

Michael Winner

This morning, Chaim’s first grade had a siyum, a celebration in honour of finishing Parshas Bereishis.

It was a nice event. They asked the boys all sorts of questions on the parsha, sang some songs, listened to speeches, received a certificate from the rav of the city, ate cookies, etc… What was nice was a special award they gave to… the janitor, Moshe.

What’s interesting about Moshe is that I hear his name more than I hear the name of Chaim’s rebbe. Moshe is highly involved in the education of the children of the school, and no, I’m not kidding. He has free reign, and will randomly walk into classrooms during davening and give special treats to those children who are davening well. The teachers treat him as if he was a teacher himself, and all the kids love him. From what I understand, he’s one of the hardest working members of the school. So, it’s nice to see some special recognition going to such a person.

All in all, we had a nice time (had to keep myself from falling asleep a few times), and I hope that this should be the first siyum out of many in Chaim’s life.

Okay, on to Torah!
“Yaakov was left alone, and a man wrestled with him” (Bereishis 32:25)

We learn that the “man” who wrestled with Yaakov was Eisav’s angel, or the angel that represents Edom. The Gemara (Chulin 91a) states that “Their feet threw up dust all the way to the Throne of Glory.”

Rav Shimshon Pincus notes that the time Edom attacked fiercely was when Yaakov was alone. What’s so special about being alone?

Being alone is a time when our true essence comes out. When we are surrounded by people and an opportunity to sin comes, we are not so likely to do such a sin. Why? Others are around! However, if we were alone and nobody could see or notice? Let’s say there was a 0 percent chance of anybody's knowing that you did a certain sin . . . would you then do it? If not, chances are you would have a huge fight with your Yetzer Horah first.

When my wife was single she was speaking to her rav about marriage. He asked her why she wanted to get married. She answered, so she can work together with somebody in her spiritual growth. He corrected her saying, “A person is always alone. Don't ever fool yourself into thinking that you're growing with other people. It always between you and Hashem and that's it."

What was the defining moment for the Jews in Shushan in the Megillah? Not when Haman made his decrees, because they knew they had an ally by the throne (Esther). It was when, after three days of fasting, that Esther turned around and instead of asking for clemency for the entire nation, she invited Haman to a celebration. At that point, the Jewish people were at their lowest; they felt betrayed and they were alone. It was at this precise moment that they did complete tshuvah.

There are times that we need to be alone. Sometimes we put ourselves in that position and sometimes the position is forced upon us. The important thing to know is that it is at this precise moment we are being given a chance to grow exponentially.

Have a great Shabbos!