What That Could Have Been by Michael Winner/6/15/2023 I'm so sad. My eldest is going away with her best friend (who worked really hard on her English) to an undisclosed location outside the country for a month. It's not that I will miss her or anything, it's just that she's the only child I have that is useful to me. She cleans, she cooks, she helps with the youngest. Yet, on the other hand, she stays up the latest, giving us little time to ourselves. She speaks the best English, which negates my wife and my speaking in higher-level English so they don't understand. And she's my biggest competitor for leftovers in the fridge.Mmmm ... toughie.In this week's parsha, we have the famous story of the spies returning from Eretz Yisroel, reporting the dangers and hazards that the nation will face if and when they enter. The nation believes them, and falls into a deep depression. With this complete lack of faith, despite everything that they've seen with their eyes, Hashem punishes them and announces that only their children will enter Eretz Yisroel, while they will die in the desert.The next morning, a group got up and said, "Okay! We did tshuva! We're sorry! We're ready to go!" and Moshe warns them not to go, since Hashem will no longer support them. If they will go, they will be destroyed. So, they went anyway, and were destroyed.We see that in this case, their teshuva was not to be considered complete, until they died. At that point, their sin would be cleansed from their souls, but until then, they would remain blemished.From here, we see a very disturbing fact.Hashem could set a person up for a wonderful life. However, a person's actions have an affect on his reality. If he sins, and he continues without complete teshuvah, his entire life situation could be changed. At first, he might have been worthy to receive A, B, and C. However, he is now a different person. He has something foreign dug into his soul. So he's no longer worthy of A, B, and C. Perhaps, now he's worthy of B, C, and D. But if he continues to sin? Perhaps, he won't even be worthy of that!Before the episodes with the spies, the nation was worthy of entering Eretz Yisroel. However, this particular sin hit their souls in a very sensitive spot, and now, they are no longer the same nation, spiritually speaking. They are no longer worthy of having Divine help in conquering the land.Who knows how many brachos we have actively pushed away, without knowing it, because of a lack of teshuva in life?Something to ponder as we enter the month of Tamuz.