Vayeira

"Now Avraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years ... " (Bereishis 18:11).

A special mazal tov to my wife and me on the birth of a baby boy.  Thankfully, he is doing well and my wife is slowly but surely recovering.  We thought that we were too old for this, but Hashem decided that he has other plans for us, which apparently does not involve any sleep.

However, we can't complain.  It was not the easiest of births, but while we were there, we heard a few helicopters bringing in wounded from the war.  And on this my wife said, "If I'm going to have to go through pain, at least I know that my pain will result in something good."

Throughout my 33-hour stay in the hospital in Haifa, I could not help but notice the large amount of Arab doctors, nurses, technicians, and patients that were walking around.  And as I was watching them, I couldn't help but think, "If the world says that we're committing apartheid and genocide, we are really doing an awful job at it." 

In this week's parsha, Rav Pincus brings in a very interesting piece from the "Meshech Chachma."

When Hagar is sent from Avraham's house, she wanders in the desert, and her son Yishmoel falls ill and is close to death.  The pasuk says, "An angel of Hashem called to Hagar from Heaven."  Yet, in last week's parsha, when she ran away from Sarah and she was out in the desert, and an angel called out to her, there was no mention of "from Heaven."

Later in this week's parsha, when Avraham was about to sacrifice Yitzchok, an angel "from Heaven" calls out to him.  So, what's going on? When does one get called "from Heaven" and when does one speak to the angel himself?

The Meshech Chachma explains that when Hagar was first in the desert, she was in pain.  She had just run from the home of Sarah and she was alone.  However, she was STILL part of Avraham's home.  And since she still had that connection, she was on the level to converse with the angel "one-on-one" in this world.

If so, how do we explain Avraham?  Here, he is committing the ultimate "mitzvah."  He is sacrificing his son on the command of Hashem.  Is there anything more difficult than this for a man of mercy?  And yet he is NOT on the level to speak to an angel in this world; the angel must remain in heaven?  The Mesech Chachma explains that in this case, Avraham was a Kohen Gadol, and as we know, was standing on the same spot where the Holy of Holies of the Beis HaMikdash would be built.  We also know that when the Kohen Gadol goes in to this special place on Yom Kippur, no one else, including angels, are allowed in.  It's only Hashem and the Kohen Gadol.  So too here, the holiness of such a place and such an act forced the angel to stay in Heaven.  He would have appeared in this world, but the holiness of the situation would not allow it.

So, that leads us to one last question.  Why, in this week's parsha, did Hagar speak to an angel "in Heaven." and not one-on-one in this world?

Answers Rav Pincus, that Hagar WOULD have been able to see.  However, we learn from the Gemara in Shabbos (12a) that Hashem's presence rests over those that are sick.  So, in this case, between's Yishmoel's sickness and the pain that Hagar was in after being kicked out to wander the desert, no angel could be there, since Hashem Himself was there, just like in the case of Avraham.

After seeing this, I could not help but think of the news from this week.

Unfortunately, many families of the captured are starting protests to force the government to trade all terrorist prisoners to get their families back.  While I cannot imagine the pain they are going through, as somebody who lives here, I do have a right to be fully against it, for what I thought were quite obvious reasons.  How many Jews have been killed by those released by the Shalit deal?

However, there is one woman, whose daughter was captured who has not been wasting her time.  She's been busy trying to do mitzvos, tefillos, and whatever other "good omens" that she has up her sleeve.  She's not religious, but she is Sphardi, which means, she knows that ultimately there is Hashem in this world, and you must turn only to Him.   And as a Sphardi woman, she will do all sorts of things to daven to Hashem.

A few clips have been sent around regarding different things she has been doing in the merit of her daughter.  One of the most powerful ones is of her doing the mitzvah of "taking challah" before baking challah.  After the bracha, she says the traditional prayer that is said, and then continues in her own language, begging Hashem to bring back her daughter and all those who have been captured.  Her prayers are only interrupted by her sobbing and those around her.  It's hard to watch and keep a dry eye.

I don't know what calculations Hashem makes, but as of now, her daughter has been the only one the army has been able to rescue (may it be the first of all of them), since ground operations have begun.

When a person is in great pain, THAT is the time Hashem is closest.  So much so, that not even angels are permitted to be there.

A powerful lesson to learn.  May we all put it into practice in times of need.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

Without going into the gory details, I just made a small change in occupations.

Six kids in my son's eighth-grade class (my son included) were kicked out of the afternoon class for not having enough control over the mouths.  Nothing really bad, and frankly, I have yet to receive many examples, but … I'm not really mad at him, since this happens every single year with the exact same teacher, teaching the exact same style, teaching at the exact same time.  So, instead of recognizing the underlying problem and fixing it, the school closes their eyes and the kids suffer.

I'm not a fan of seeing these kids (who ARE good kids and are NOT doing bad things) doing nothing all afternoon.  So, I opened up a one-hour afternoon "kollel" called Kollel Reuven (my Hebrew name) HaTzaddik.  Out of the six, four agreed to join.  I put my learning program aside and I'm now learning Hilchos Shabbos full time.  I have a program set up that I believe will work with AD(H)D kids, so I'm trying it on them.  The only problem is: I'm not a teacher.  I have no clue what I'm doing (though I did learn the material many years before).  And … I hate kids 😊

Thankfully, it's going very well.  They know me already, and in our society there is an automatic "honor" given to people older than you (until you deserve to lose it), so I have control.  Since they're Israeli, they can understand the material faster, since they don't have translation issues (as I do), and they DO want to learn.  They simply need something more tuned to their personalities and a "rebbe" who's more tuned to their needs.  Until the school gives them this rebbe, I'm filling it.  Oh, and they call me "HaRav" and speak to me in third-person, so that's all worth it!

It's a bit stressful, since I have to be ahead of them and know more things better than they do, but we're enjoying ourselves so far, and I hope it continues.

"He said, "My Lord, please, if I have found favor in your eyes, please do not pass by your servant" (Bereishis 18:3).

One of the famous explanations of this pasuk is that Avraham was in the middle of talking to Hashem when he saw three strangers approach.  Instead of "walking out" of the conversation, he asks Hashem to wait while he attends to these strangers' needs.  From this we learn the importance of treating those in need, it even supersedes a conversation with Hashem Himself!

The Tur, however, asks a question on this explanation.  We see in the previous pasuk that Avraham not only saw these strangers, but already ran to greet them.  If so, why is he asking NOW to wait?  He should have first asked Hashem to wait and THEN run to greet these strangers!

He answers that when Avraham first saw these men and turned his attention to them (by beginning to run to them), he immediately felt the Divine Presence leaving him.  He then immediately "turned back" to speak to Hashem and ask him not to leave, so he could see to the needs of his guests.

From here we learn the importance of constantly being in connection with Hashem throughout the day.  Obviously, this is a difficult thing, but it is part of what a Jew is: living with Hashem in every moment.  For when one turns his attention to other things, Hashem does the same.

While it is difficult to be "in touch" throughout the entire day, there are little things that one can do to help increase it.  I've mentioned it before in the name of Rav Pincus.  Speak to Hashem throughout the day.  Before going to work, ask Him for a safe trip or a successful day.  Before going shopping, ask that it should go quickly and painlessly.  If you're going to IKEA with your wife, ask that a giant asteroid should hit the planet killing all life as we know it within seconds … you know … everyday things like this. 

The more we involve Hashem in our lives, the more He directly participates in it.

My wife and I got into a fight two hours before Shabbos last week (what’s new).  It was about a lamp that we found and have been using for years.  Shortly after bringing it to our house, we realized it was thrown away because the piece that connected the bulb to the lamp itself was practically severed.  No problem, I thought, I have duct tape.  So, using my trusty gray duct tape, I fixed the lamp, with the now greay head.  Two Shabbosos ago, near the end of Shabbos, somebody touched the plug, there was a bang, and the electricity went out.

Okay, no problem, I thought.  I have duct tape.

That’s where things got ugly on erev Shabbos.

My wife said "no," we’re going to get a new lamp and not fix the old.  I said that this one works perfectly fine and we don’t need to waste time and money on a new one.  She tried to “reason” that when a lamp gets plugged in and blows the electricity of the entire house, it’s not called “fine.”  I explained that it’s not a problem.  I have duct tape.  She retorted, “You think everything can be fixed with duct-tape!”

“Woman!” I said (yes, I did say that, and I continue to quote), “If I were stuck on a desert island, all I would need is duct tape, WD-40, zip ties, Uri (my good friend), and a television…and a very long electric cord.”

Needless to say, it was getting ugly, so I called my friend Uri, as I do every time I get in a fight with the shrew wife.  His wife picked up the phone.

“I want to speak to Uri, NOW.” (Yes, that was a quote.)

She sighed, and said, “Uri is in the valley (right behind their building in Yerushaliyim) with the kids, working on the plans for a treehouse he’s going to build” (note: Uri has older children…the treehouse is clearly not for them, and Uri does not exactly have free time).

“Are you telling me, two hours before Shabbos, Uri is risking a divorce to build a treehouse???”

“Yes…” she said with clinched teeth.

“Uri is sooo awesome!”

He called back a few minutes later, and after discussing the perfect tree he found, and his plans for a secret door (no, I’m still not making this up), he listened to my problem.  His official halachic decision: “Anything that is held together with duct tape is considered as new.  And why waste the money on a new lamp, if you’re going to have to cover it with duct tape anyhow to make it look good?”

Why women cannot understand basic concepts like this, I have no idea…

“For I have loved him, because he commands his children” (Bereishis 18:19).

Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein remembers very clearly an incident when he was a young child learning at Eitz Chaim Talmud Torah in Yerushaliyim.  One day, his rebbe showed up to the cheder in a taxi, which, back in those days, was no small amount of money.  It was so out of place, the kids were in shock.  Seeing their faces, his rebbe explained, “You know that I do everything in my power to come on time to teach you Torah.  Today, something came up that was very important, and when I finished with it, I realized that if I took the bus or walked, I would not make it here on time.  So, instead, I hired a taxi.”

Hearing this, the boys, like all good Israeli boys, started doing calculations based on how much he most likely makes and how much a taxi costs, and realized that it was a real expense for him.  Needless to say, this made a lasting impression on the children, that Rav Zilberstein remembers it so clearly after so many decades.

The Jewish “definition” of education, is not “preparing them to earn a livelihood” nor is it “teaching them how to learn Gemara.”  It’s about how to live like a Jew should live.  How to learn the Torah and how to live it accordingly.  Many people mistakenly think, “I’m sending my kids to school…I did my part.”  That’s simply not true.  Your actions, your behaviors, your priorities, all these things are part of your education to your children.

Recently, my wife heard a story from a friend of hers.  During the recent lockdown, when we were not allowed to travel between cities unless for specific reasons, her neighbor, one Friday morning, packed up her kids, and took them to another city for Shabbos.  On the way back, they were stopped at a checkpoint, and, in front of her children, told the officer that she’s been stuck at her parents home for weeks on end, and she just needs to get home finally.  The officer, who could have given her a ticket, even for that, let her go.  My wife’s friend was shocked, “you lied like that right in front of your children?” “Whatever…it was only the police, who cares?”

We know of another case, in a city not to be mentioned since it’s a dirty word in my house, of a school being opened illegally.  The parent told my wife, proudly, how the kids, every time the police came because of complaints from the neighbors, would run into the forest before the police would show up.

Around a year ago, I was listening to a talk by Rav Yitzcok Breitowitz while I was working.  He was speaking about secular education in Judaism. He discussed the different views and how different demographics and locations view how much and which type to give their children.  It was nothing controversial.  Just pointing out the different viewpoints.  At the end, he said something very powerful (and I’m not quoting, but it’s pretty close): “No matter what your view is on secular education, regarding what or how much, it’s very important never to attack it or those who learn it.  It’s not anti-Torah, and I’ve seen many times over, those parents who attack things that (are not anti-Torah) they don’t agree with, are teaching their children to attack things.  But those children take it further and in turn, will start attacking the Torah itself.”

Obviously, this is not specific to Corona, but Corona is presenting “wonderful” examples and stories.

Our job is not to teach our children Torah.  Our job is to teach them how to LIVE Torah.  When we show them with our own actions and teach them openly to lie and to degrade authority, do we really think that this will not circle around?  Do we really believe that they will …limit…their lying to “only the police” or “only to the government” (as if that were allowed)?  Of course not. We, in the end, are educating our children to leave Torah, because we, in reality, are teaching anti-Torah concepts.

Our actions and attitudes play a far bigger role in how our children are raised than what they learn in school.

By doing our best, and raising our children to follow the Torah, instead of “what I want,” we are making a long-term investment that we will be able to capitalize on in this world and the next.

There are some things that confuse me about Judaism, I admit.  One of them is how we are to learn from our forefathers and follow in their footsteps.  This week, I tried to put it into practice when I was learning Sefer Shmuel.  In the beginning of Shmuel II there is a list of children, and the names of their mothers, who were born to Dovid HaMelech in Chevron.  One of the mothers on the list is called “Eglah” (literally: calf).  Rashi explains that this was Shaul’s daughter, Michal, and Dovid HaMelech called her by this name as a term of endearment.

So, when I returned that night from the kollel, I swung open the door and asked, “How are you my beautiful cow?”

I don’t think Dovid HaMelech received the same response I did.

Sigh…

I listened to one of the talks my Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Asher Rubenstein gave several years ago this week. In it, he mentioned that this week’s parsha contains four “laughing," three that we need to stay away from, and one that we need to come close to.

The first is when the Angels promised Avraham that he and Sarah would have a child: “And Sarah laughed (v’tizchak) at her insides, saying ‘After I have withered shall I again have clear skin?  And my husband is old!’” (Bereishis 18:12).  While this was a laughter from some deep level, it was a laughter of disbelief.

One of the problems of such laughter is that when we disbelieve something, that anything is possible if Hashem wants it, we often "cut ourselves off" from such a possibility.  Hashem often deals with us according to how we deal with Him.  The more real faith and trust that we have in Hashem, the more He deals with us in a direct manner and visible manner.

The second case is when Lot went to get his sons-in-law to leave Sodom, before the city was destroyed: “But he seemed like a jester (kim-zacheik) in the eyes of his sons-in-law” (Bereishis 19:14). Many times, when a person decides to grow spiritually, his “friends” will often make fun of him and laugh at his decision.  They might joke about how he is “becoming a frummy."  While Lot was being made fun of for saving himself, so too will a person be made fun of when saving himself.  Therefore, one should always strengthen themselves against such “friends." 

A third case is when Sarah kicked out Hagar and Yishmoel: “Sarah saw the son of Hagar, the Egyptian, whom she had borne to Avraham, mocking (m’tzachek)” (Bereishis 21:9). Rashi gives three explanations on what this "mocking" was: idol worship, sexual immorality, and murder, being that Yishmoel would shoot arrows at Yitzchok “as a joke!”  Here, the laughter is slightly similar to the previous, but different.  The previous laughter was against those doing Hashem’s will.  This is laughter/mocking against Torah concepts themselves and a laughter of not WANTING to follow the Torah.

Rav Rubenstein pointed out that today’s world is focused solely on having fun.  Everybody works hard in order to relax, rather than relaxing in order to work hard.  And how do people have fun?  They spend their time watching shows about idol worship (money/self), sexual immorality, and murder. This is how they spend their entire lives: chasing after "fun." 

And finally the fourth case, when Yitzchok is born to Sarah: “Sarah said, ‘G-d has made laughter (tzchok) for me; whoever hears will laugh (yitzachak) for me” (Bereishis 21:6). 

Here is the laughter of tsaddikim.  The laughter of realizing that Hashem has a plan and actually seeing how that plan unfolds (which we don’t always get to see).  It is the laughter of happiness that one recognizes the blessings that he has received in this world and the feelings of gratitude that he has for the One who gave it.

We see this in Tehillim, speaking of the final redemption, which we recite on Shabbos at each of the meals:

“When the L-rd returned the captives of Zion, we were like people in a dream. Then was our mouth filled with laughter,​ and our tongue with exultation: then said they among the nations, The L-rd has done great things for them. The Lord has done great things for us; so we rejoiced!​ Bring back our captives,​ O L-rd, as the streams in the south. They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Though he goes on his way weeping, bearing the store of seed, he shall come back with joy, bearing his sheaves.”

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

One of the positives of living in Eretz Yisroel, is the ability to get brachos from leaders of the generation.  Some are not so easy to get to; some are a bit easier.  After discussing a small issue with somebody, they suggested on Motzei Shabbos to drive to Nahariya to see Rav David Abuchatzeira, the grandson of the Baba Sali.  I really didn’t think that was possible, since I don’t have a car, and it’s not easy to get to by bus.  However, it hit me that on Shabbos (last Shabbos), a friend was coming with his family, with a rental car, and I knew that he had some questions he needed answered about some issues going on in his life.  So, I called him up and asked him if he would be interested in running to Nahariya after Shabbos, and he was happy to oblige.

Since, he has hundreds of people visiting him at a time, everything was at a whirlwind pace.  I knew he reads letters super-quickly and then gives answers/brachos, depending on the situation.  So, I wrote my letter with three issues, asking a bracha for each one.  My friend went first, briefly told over his situation (which might force him to leave Eretz Yisroel), and I was happy to hear, “Here . . . here . . . only here . . . .” When I went, I gave the rav my letter, and he started zipping through it, and after each paragraph, he gave a different bracha.  My natural pessimism was stifled, thankfully, when I saw his eyes, when reading my letter, go back and read again.  Obviously, I, or my handwriting wasn’t clear enough on a certain point.  It was good for me to see that.

So, we left happy.  My friend got his answer, and I got my brachos, and frankly, it’s good to see "big people."

Okay, on to Torah!

I will give a warning.  This dvar Torah is an original thought of mine and I did not see it written anywhere.  So, if it’s heretical, which knowing me, it could be, just discard it.

I was always wondering about Avimelech, the King of Gerar.

When Avraham visited his land, he announced that Sarah was his sister, so he wouldn’t be killed, and like Pharaoh in Egypt, Avimelech took Sarah to be his wife.  And like Pharaoh, he and his household were struck with a plague, but unlike Pharaoh, Hashem came to him in a dream and told him why he was struck and what he must do to correct the situation.  What made Avimelech so great that he received a prophecy from Hashem?  What made him different than Pharaoh who made the exact same mistake?

The possible answer hit me this year, and it’s found in one pasuk:

“Avimelech then asked Avraham, ‘What did you see to make you do such a thing [say that Sarah was your sister]?’” (Bereishis 20:10).

It takes a lot for a person to admit his mistakes.  It takes a lot for a king to admit his mistakes.  But it’s a whole new level when a person can honestly ask, “What did you see in me that was wrong?”

Perhaps this is what made Avimelech different.  To have the ability to find out what was wrong with him and his people, and, I assume, to use that knowledge to fix that gap, that is something which is not easy for anybody, let alone royalty, to do, and perhaps that is why he deserved a full conversation with Hashem.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

Michael Winner

At night, while I’m working, I need to have something in the background.  Usually, it’s music.  But sometimes I need something more to keep me awake.  I can’t listen to Torah, because I can’t focus on work and listening at the same time.  I need something that’s floating in the background that I don’t need to concentrate on so much.  So, I prefer stuff that is more . . . oh… . . . controversial, that will get my blood going.  Listening to some of the nonsense that Open Orthodox is spouting is a favorite of mine, but they don’t have too much out there, and some of their "Torah" is so wrong, it's just annoying.  I WISH Reform Rabbis had weekly shiurim or something.  Jews for Judaism was very interesting, and I like it a lot, but again, it requires concentration.

So, I was happy to receive a CD in the mail from a missionary group that has been sent nation-wide.  I didn’t listen to the whole thing.  Just the beginning when this formerly-Jewish rich guy talks about how he was raised in a Jewish home where the only mitzvah that they were obligated and allowed to keep was not to marry a non-Jew.  Of course, his life is full of bitterness, trouble, drinking, women, etc., and of course, while he’s at a low point in life, he finds The Big J, and lives happily ever after.

It’s interesting, because Rabbi Tuvia Singer, one of the heads of Jews for Judaism pointed out that you ALWAYS hear these stories of people in the sewers finding “J.”  Yet, you never hear of people finding Moshe in the sewers.  He explained that this is the "tumah," the impurity of such a religion.  Usually, people are not turned on to Judaism when they are in the midst of drugs, drinking, and women.  Yet, they are to Christianity.  Interesting point.

The Kli Yakar brings an interesting point I thought I would share.  We know that Sodom was destroyed due to their lack of justice (and plenty of injustice) and of their immorality.  He points out though, that it was really because of their perversion of justice that they were destroyed, rather than the immorality.  How does he prove this?

Regarding immorality, the Torah states (Vayikra 18:27) that the land becomes tamei (impure).  This effect is something that not even idol worship does.  The sin of immorality is comparable to what happened in Chernobyl.  One "problem" caused the evacuation of an entire city and surrounding area, making the land radioactive for several hundred, if not thousand years.  That is the power of the sin of immorality.

The Kli Yakar explains that when the land becomes tamei, so do the inhabitants, whether they are the cause of the impurity or not.  Like radioactivity, this tumah affects everything that it comes in contact with.

With this in mind, we see two things that prove that immorality was not the primary cause of Sodom’s destruction.  The first is that Hashem says that He Himself will see what is causing “an outcry."  If the land was so polluted from immorality, even Hashem, would not “venture” to go there.  Secondly, we see that when Avraham was pleading with Hashem to save the city, he was asking to save the city on behalf of the righteous who lived there.  If immorality was the main cause, then the righteous would have moved out already or they would have been contaminated themselves.  If there was even a possibility of righteous people living there, it must be that the main sin was injustice rather than immorality.

So, it’s interesting to learn this bit of information.  However, we see something much more meaningful here.  The power of immorality.  There is something very specific to this particular sin that makes it even more powerful than stealing or idol worship.  Like radioactivity, it consumes all in its way.  And that is why Judaism has always taken very strong positions in halacha and minhag (customs) to keep away from anything that could lead to immorality.  Many people who think they know everything, like to jest against such halachos and minhagim, but they fail to grasp the power of this sin and the powerful outcome that comes from it.

It behooves us well to keep this in mind the next time the Yetzer Horah brings us any “gifts” to share.

Have a great Shabbos!

Michael Winner

My apologies for last week. We received an invitation by a family that I’ve been close with in Jerusalem for 20 years, for Shabbos (our first "out Shabbos" in two years!). I rented a car for the younger kids, and sent my 10-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son on the bus. All-in-all it was a very relaxing Shabbos, and I had the honor of davening with Staliner Chassidim who yell nearly the entire davening. Believe it or not, it was one of my better davenings that I’ve had in a long time. I think the best part was taking the kids out on a walk during Shabbos day, and the entire neighborhood was filled with all sorts of frum Jews everywhere, and not a car in sight.

Okay, on to Torah!
This week’s dvar Torah is another Winner Original, so take it for what it’s worth (which is probably not much). I had a thought, and figured I would share it and see if it makes sense.

In last week’s parsha, Sarah is kidnapped by Pharaoh, who thought she was not married. Upon entering Egypt, Avraham realized that they will most likely kill him and take her, so they agreed to say that he is her brother. Right after she was taken, Pharaoh and his household were smitten with a plague. Realizing on his own what is happening, Pharaoh asks Avraham, “Why did you tell me she was your sister?” and before giving him time to respond, has them escorted out of the country.

In this week’s parsha, the story is nearly repeated with Avimelech. After taking Sarah, he receives prophecy from Hashem telling him that Sarah is really Avraham’s wife and should be returned immediately. Avimelech does so and like Pharaoh, asks Avraham why he lied to him. Avraham explained that he saw that there was no fear of Hashem in this land and he was afraid that he was to be killed. Avimelech gives them both presents and offers them to live in his land undisturbed.

I wondered: why did Avimelech receive prophecy and Pharaoh did not and had to figure it out himself? One would think that we can compare Pharaoh and how he kicked Avraham out to Avimelech and how he offered for them to stay. I want to take another angle.

When Pharaoh asked Avraham why he was lied to, he didn’t give Avraham a chance to answer, he continued on his yelling spree. Yet, Avimelech asked him and DID give him a chance to answer.

From here, we see the differences between the two.

Pharaoh wasn’t interested in hearing Avraham’s answer. He was mad at Avraham, blamed him for what happened, and wanted him out. Avimelech on the other hand, DID want to know why Avraham lied, and when he learned the truth, he promised them that they will be left alone.

Pharaoh’s mindset was stuck at “I’m right and you’re wrong” and was unwilling to learn and grow. Avimelech’s mindset was set to learn and to grow. With such a mindset, it’s not so surprising that even he should receive prophecy.

From Avimelech’s behavior, he can learn how we should deal with failures in life. We can be like Pharaoh and blame others, or we can be like Avimelech and learn our lessons and move forward.

Have a great Shabbos!

Michael Winner

One of the joys of raising children is seeing them take an interest in what you have an interest in. For me, that is the Holy Shabbos Chicken Soup. I’ve always had a special place in my heart for chicken soup on Shabbos. So, too, now have the children. In fact, we keep it on the hotplate and have some on the next day. So, with the longer winter nights and more chicken soup being eaten, I called a War Council of the Chicken Soup Elders to discuss and decide if we were to use the standard pot and risk not having a lot for the next day or make it in a bigger pot and risk having it too watery on Shabbos night.

A tough decision, I know. Hence the war council.

Chaim immediately voted for a larger pot—not surprising, since he is a man and “thinks” like one. Rochel Leah, on the other hand, threw me for a loop and said, “We should use the regular pot because the celery is shmittah and will cause the whole pot of soup to be shmittah, and if we don’t eat it all, we’ll have to leave it out in the pot until it gets disgusting, before we can throw it away.”

That sort of thinking was NOT expected.

It gives me hope that we’re doing something right in this house.

Okay, on to Torah!
In this week’s parsha, Hashem informed Avraham that He will be destroying the city of Sodom, and Avraham, in turn, pleaded for Sodom to be spared.

“. . . and Avraham was still standing before Hashem. Avraham came forward and said . . .” (Bereishis 18:22-23)

Rav Ahron Leib Shteinman said that we learn the awesome power of prayer in these two verses. When Avraham, was “standing before Hashem,” he was in the middle of prophecy. Rashi explains that “came forward” means “coming forward to prayer.” That being Avraham left the mode of prophecy and ascended to that of prayer. Translation: while prophecy is high, prayer, even a simple prayer asking for one’s needs, brings you closer to Hashem.

When we stand in prayer during Shachris, Mincha, and Maariv, we are bringing ourselves to an unbelievable closeness to Hashem. We are literally in front of Him and have His complete attention. Let us keep this in mind right before we start to daven every day. Perhaps we’ll slow down a little bit, stop looking around so much, etc., etc.

Of course, prayer does not just mean davening three times a day. It means anytime one speaks to Hashem to ask for something, he is bringing himself to stand in front of Hashem Himself.

Have a great Shabbos!

Michael Winner

We’re “batting down the hatches” here as we await the coming for the rain. According to the local reports, our first rain is expected in a few hours. The children are all excited since they haven’t seen rain for six months or so. The adults are all excited because we understand the value of rain and everybody monitors the level of the Kinneret to see “how well we’re doing”. We’re davening for a winter full of rain. It’s nice to really enjoy it.

* Please continue to learn & daven for Chaim Yosef ben Rus and Dafna Yael bas Rivka *
“Sarah would nurse children” (Bereishis 21:7)

On the day Yitzchok was weaned, Avraham threw a party to celebrate. Why? To throw off any suspicions that Yitzchok was not Sarah’s child (she was in her nineties after all, and as we know, women cannot nurse if they did not deliver a child). Rashi cites the Midrash that says that even non-Jewish women brought their babies for Sarah to nurse on that day.

Rav Chaim Brisker asks: If Sarah wanted to remove any suspicions, why did she not nurse other people’s children from the beginning? Why did she wait until Yitzchok was weaned to show everybody her proof?

He answers by quoting a Rambam (Isus 12:12): “If a mother wishes to nurse another woman’s baby along with her own, her husband has the right to stop her from doing so, and to insist that she nurse only her own child.” Why? One reason is that her child should not suffer from any “milk shortages”.

We learn from here that even though rumours of Yitzchok’s legitimacy were flying away, Avraham and Sarah did not clear their name at the expense of their child. They were willing to wait until Yitzchok was weaned to finally show the world that Sarah was indeed his mother.

It’s a strong lesson to learn concerning our relationship with our children. Many people like to do chesed, such as having guests for Shabbos, or going to help with different charitable events, which is all well and good. However, even chesed should not come at the expense of our children. In fact, the people who deserve our chesed the most are our children.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

I decided to do something different last week.

At the last minute, I handed over all of the children (minus baby) to our neighbors and took my wife to Tzvas for Shabbos. I hired a driver with a spacious car to take us (why not go in style?) and we had a private room which gave us a beautiful view of the Kinneret. Also, the room we had, had a small porch, and since it was such beautiful weather, we ate our Shabbos meals outside.

Jealous?

Well… you shouldn’t be.

The story comes with several “what I meants”…

When I said “last minute”, I meant three hours AFTER Shabbos came in.
When I said “Tzvas for Shabbos”, I meant the hospital in Tzvas for Shabbos.
When I said “a driver with a spacious car”, I meant a paramedic in an ambulance.
When I said private room, I meant a hospital room which did not have any other people in it.
When I said Shabbos meals, I meant a few rolls, margarine, fruit, chummus, and left-over kugel.
However, we DID have a nice view.

In the middle of our Shabbos night meal, Simcha started having problems breathing. We took him to the religious-community’s paramedic from Hatzalah, who in turn told us to call a taxi company to hire an Arab to take us to Terem, the city’s “pre-emergency room”, since we don’t have a hospital here. We asked our neighbors to watch over the kids while we go. We figured it would take us an hour or so to be there and an hour to walk back. Thank G-d, they have six kids, all friends with ours, so what’s another three? So, for the first time in a long, long time, I broke Shabbos on purpose, to make the phone call and ride in a car. What a strange feeling.

The doctor at Terem noticed that Simcha’s blood/oxygen level was low and brought it back up, but still wasn’t happy with sending him home, since he’s only six weeks. He apologized and said that we will have to take him to get checked at the hospital. So, he called an ambulance which took us to Tzvas. There, we had blood tests and x-rays done, and it was concluded that he had a virus and should be monitored for more breathing problems. By the time all was done, it was 12:30am. I went to the hospital’s shul to see the times for davening, and found six chassidim sitting there with food and drink, having a Shalom Zachor, since one of them just had a boy. I looked around and noticed that I didn’t have my hat, tie, or jacket. I smiled and said, “Sorry, but I forgot my shrtiemel (their furry hat) at home”. They pulled me in and gave me some food and drink. We spoke a while, sang some songs, and had an enjoyable time. By 1:15 am, it was time to depart. They gave me all their left-over food and told me to give it to my wife, so she would have something to eat.

Remember, our neighbors had no way of knowing that we were in the hospital. Thankfully, they figured it out the next morning when they woke up and we still weren’t home.

The Shabbos itself wasn’t so bad. It was nice to see evil Ultra-Orthodox men come in with their children to hand out candies to all the sick children in the ward and to wish them a good Shabbos. Then even MORE evil Ultra-Orthodox men came in after Shabbos, with instruments singing and dancing with the kids. Bikur Chollim at its best.

Thankfully, Simcha is doing better and we are looking forward to a nice, quiet Shabbos at home.

Okay, on to Torah!
“For I have loved him, because he commands his children” (Bereishis 18:19)

Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein relates that every Shabbos, his father would test all of his children on what they learned in school that week. Every Shabbos, this test was done in a warm and compassionate way. Rav Zilberstein said on this, “On of the most important mission of every father, especially in our time, is to ensure that his image will remain engraved in his children’s minds – the way Yaakov’s image was revealed to his son, Yosef, and prevented him from sinning with a married woman. Fortunate is the father who appears in his children’s eyes as a pure and perfected personality, and who thereby brings them to do only that which is good and just in the eyes of Hashem and of man”

At the Shabbos table, we have a perfect opportunity to spend quality time with our children. When we sit at the heads of our tables and act in a manner which is befitting of a caring father, when we take interest in our children’s learning and growth, and when we run the Shabbos table as a Shabbos table should be run, our children remember this. And from these “mere” meals, their respect for their parents will continue to grow and help train them to become bnei Torah in the future.

Have a great Shabbos!

This past Sunday Chaim turned three.

It’s the prevalent custom in Israel to not give a boy a haircut until he turns three. It’s related to the fact that one is not allowed to take fruit from a tree for the first three fruit-producing years. It’s all kabbalistic, so I’m not going to get into it here, since you obviously cannot fathom such depths of wisdom.

It also turns out that there are three times a year that there’s a big “party” in Meron, where Rebbe Shimon bar Yochai is buried. It is there, where people bring their children for their first haircuts. The first is the ever-so-popular Lag B’Omer, the second is Moshe’s yartzeit, and finally Motzei Shabbos of Parshas Lech Lecha (I’m still unclear why then specifically), which so happens to be Chaim’s birthday. Since we’re only a twenty-five minute drive away from Meron, we couldn’t pass up such an opportunity.

So, along with our neighbors and their six children, we rented a tender driven by a Druzi name Tubi and headed up to Meron. There, we were greeted by hundreds of chassidim singing and dancing. On several occasions, we received ‘mazal tovs’ and brachos from people whom we didn’t know. Finally at the end, we took the first snip and after some snacks, we returned home. The next day, I took Chaim to the yeshiva for brachos from the Roshei Yeshiva and then to the home of the rav of the city for additional brachos and honourary ‘snippings’. We finally took him to the barber who finished everything up and now… now we have a different boy.

With payos.

Not the chassidish ones, but the ones that wrap behind the ears.

It’s weird. I have a boy with payos, tzitizis and a kipa.

And I’m his father.

Strange.

Okay, on to Torah!
Each of our forefathers were great tzaddikim and each one excelled in a particular area. For Avraham, he excelled in chesed.

When the angels visited Avraham, the Torah goes through great lengths to describe how he welcomed them and how he made them feel welcome. Throughout this entire section, the Chizkuni goes into greater detail on how he treated his guests.

The Torah describes the angels as being ‘nitzavim’ or standing (Bereishis 18:2). The Chizkuni explains that this means that they were not in a hurry, hence Avraham invited them into his tent. Had they had been in a hurry, then Avraham would not have invited them, since he would not have wished to delay them any more than they would want.

We see from here the key to chesed. Chesed is not about doing what makes YOU feel good, it’s doing what makes THEM feel good.

After seeing a presentation on Jewish outreach by a certain group, my wife noticed that several people made comments similar to, “Even if you find it hard to do… do it because it makes you feel good about yourself”. She said that outreach, or any form of chesed for that matter, that is done with such a mentality, will not bear fruit.

On one hand, we saw last week from Rav Pincus, that doing things like chesed IS about you, yet here we see the opposite. Rav Pincus was speaking about building yourself and your character. He was not speaking about what makes you feel good inside. When you do proper chesed, you are going out of your way to help another person. While you’re helping said person, you are to go out of your way to make them feel good. Perhaps that will be easy for you, perhaps it will be hard. That’s not important. The key to chesed is knowing what a person needs and wants, and delivering such needs and wants in the most pleasantly way possible, for THEM.

Have a great Shabbos!

This past Shabbos I was reminded of a conversation I had several years with a reform Jew. He claimed that his take on Judaism would make a better “whole” Jew than my close-minded way. He proudly cited the fact that his son was making a sukkah for his “mitzvah project” for his bar mitzvah. He also claimed that thanks to their liberal views of the world and that his children will be exposed to the world through public school, university, and everything else the secular culture has to offer, they will come out a “well rounded and educated Jew”.

On Shabbos night, I was discussing the parsha with Rochel Leah (who is yet five, may I note), asking her a couple of questions here and there. She started rambling off everything she learned in her pre-school about last week’s parsha. Now, she’s learning everything in Hebrew, which is her new first-language, and she was able to understand it enough to translate 90% of everything into English when speaking with us. She was also able to answer questions that we posed and even stumped my wife with something she didn’t know.

While it’s possible this man’s son might be more “well-rounded” (though I doubt it, since most people quickly forget what they learn if it’s not important), my children will certainly be more educated as a Jew.

The stark contrast between the two ways of educating one’s children, in terms of how to be Jewish, shows you an important lesson. If you truly wish your children to have Jewish values and ideals, you need to live it in life yourself.

Okay, on to Torah!
I received a new book yesterday, “Al Harishonim”, by Rabbi Aryeh Brueckheimer. Another “source of inspiration” for Frum.org.

He quotes the Ramban at the end of this week’s parsha (Bereishis 22:2), who asks: why did Hashem, when commanding Avraham to sacrifice Yitzchok, order him to travel to a place three days away? Why could he have not simply have said, “Do it here and now”? After all, we see that everything that Avraham did was with zerizus (zealousness and speed), why make him wait it out for three days?

One of the answers the Ramban gives is that while it is true that Avraham would have done it immediately, Hashem wanted the three day delay for Avraham’s sake. He wanted Avraham to take the time to contemplate the mitzvah that he was to do.

Rabbi Brueckheimer learns from here a better definition of zerizus. We usually think that doing a mitzvah with zerizus means, doing it with alacrity. However, there is also an issue of deeper thought as well. When we perform a mitzvah, quickly and without much thought, it’s as if we are trying to get it out of our way. Taking the time to contemplate the mitzvah, in no way contradicts the idea that we should do mitzvahs with alacrity and zealousness; rather it is an integral part of the definition of zerizus and should not be overlooked.

Have a great Shabbos!