Does anybody remember “The Blues Brothers”? Remember how at the end of the film they were surrounded by thousands of officers from every branch of federal, state, and local law enforcement (don’t forget the Illinois Nazi Party)? That’s what the street next to ours looked like this past Shabbos.
We are friends with a couple who many say are special, but we say are crazy. Besides their own children, they are fostering two children who are . . . well, if I say “mentally challenged,” that would be nice (it’s a family custom, it seems, to take in these children; she also is trained in working with them). One of them is a seven-year-old severerly autistic and brain-damaged boy. Honestly, he’s a cute kid, but has no "seichel" whatsoever. This past Shabbos, the husband had to be out of town with this two oldest children, so she was left alone with her other children and these two foster children. One of her children went to their neighbor's, and despite the door being super heavy, this seven-year-old, who has incredible strength, opened it and flew out. She heard this happening and went to chase after him, but he quickly disappeared.
This was at 1 p.m. Shabbos day. People in the religious community started hearing of what happened a few hours later (she didn’t make it so public at first, since she thought she would easily find him). By the time it became public, the police became more and more heavily involved and practically everybody with a kippah on their head, from all streams, were combing the city. The rav came out and announced that even if you have to break Shabbos, you must in order to find the child. Hundreds of the religious community were out, along with a helicopter and drone (the kids loved those). Even the Border Police stationed outside of the city got involved. I got the idea of flagging down a few cabs from different companies so they could call other cabs so they should keep their eyes open. You should have seen the look on the drivers faces when I, dressed in my Shabbos clothes, was telling them to pull over. :)
In the end, 30 minutes before sunset, somebody from the community found him, half naked a kilometer-and-a-half away from his home. One of the officers kept saying to the mother, “You have an amazing community here. Amazing! They all came out, got organized, and helped out!” The police recognized that they didn’t have the manpower to do it themselves, and there was close work between us. My son, when we were looking together, received a few waves from officers passing by in their cars, and even several secular residents helped to get involved when they felt the "power" of the community at work.
If this happened to somebody secular, the police would have gotten involved, a few friends would have posted the photo on Facebook and help out with the search. But nothing would have occurred that matched this. Here, HUNDREDS of people were searching, and wives were bringing out bottles of water and snacks to help out. Most did not daven mincha at all or eat the third meal for Shabbos. In the end, it was a very big kiddush Hashem with a happy ending.
Except for one man. The head of the local Hatzolah. He was away that particular Shabbos and was VERY upset that they had to lose this child on that particular Shabbos when he was away. For him, it’s a dream come true to help organize and run such an operation and he missed out! :)
Every year, I usually receive a small dose of help from Above on something. Last year, I wasted it on correctly guessing how far along my wife was in labor when we arrived at the hospital. This year, thankfully, I received it when I was learning. So, this is an original dvar Torah. True or not? I have no idea. It sounds good and even if it’s not true, it’s not one of those “Oh! According to my calculations, there are really EIGHT AND A HALF gods!” so you won’t really be burning for reading it.
The Gemara (Shabbos 23b), asks, if one has enough money for only a candle for Chanukah or only a candle for Shabbos, what should he buy? It then answers a candle for Shabbos, because of Shalom Bayis (peace in the home). It then asks, if he had only for Kiddush or candles? Again, Shabbos candles, because of Shalom Bayis. Then, it continues and says that somebody who lights candles (Shabbos or Chanukah) regularly, will merit children who are Talmidei Chachamim (scholars).
I was confused by this, since many light candles regularly and do no merit children who are Talmidei Chachamim. So, I gave thought to it and have a small theory, which I would like to share.
We see that the Gemara clearly equates Shabbos candles to Shalom Bayis. There are many different reasons for it, the main one given is that there is light in the house on Shabbos, and confusion does not reign free. For whatever reason, when we say Shabbos candles, we are also saying Shalom Bayis.
PERHAPS, the Gemara is saying that somebody who regularly has Shalom Bayis, will merit Talmidei Chachamim. Of course, this is not the only ingredient and there are many different factors, but it is acknowledged that many times when children leave the religious world, there are issues at home (again, not all the time, and possibly not most; I don’t know, but Shalom Bayis does contribute to such things).
I then saw that the Bach (Orach Chaim 263:1) asks on this Gemara: it seems that from this Gemara, that lighting candles is not obligatory and the reward is children who are Talmidei Chachamim. However, we see further on, that it is really an obligation to light. So, if it’s an obligation, why did this Gemara word the promise in such a way as if it were not obligatory? He answers that if a person lit Shabbos candles, he did his (or really her) obligation. But, if they do it in a proper, “mehudar” (extra careful) way, they will earn this promise.
As a side note, my Rosh Kollel asked when I showed him this, “What does it mean ‘mehudar’ when lighting Shabbos candles? Okay, using olive oil instead of wax candles, perhaps, but what else is there to be ‘mehudar’ about? " This question only adds fuel to my theory, that perhaps we not talking about only lighting candles.
So, let’s rephrase what the Bach was saying with my idea: If a person does the mitzvah of Shalom Bayis (by lighting the candles), he did his (or really her) obligation. But, if they do it (Shalom Bayis) in a proper “mehudar” way, they will earn this promise.
It’s hard work to have Shalom Bayis, but to do it in a mehudar way? That takes even more work, effort, and teamwork; but perhaps, when the children see and feel the atmosphere of love and respect between their parents, they will be empowered in their Torah observance.
Just an idea.
Have a wonderful Shabbos!
Michael Winner