Tisha BAv

And so "vacation" begins this Shabbos, for the next three weeks.

Joy.

So far, over the past two or three weeks, we have experienced nothing less than 93-degree weather.  And it's expected to continue for several more weeks.  Exactly the weeks that all the kids are at home and we have no access to a car.  Of course, the standard excuses are being used: Global Warming. El Nino. Bibi Netanyahu. Cows. Etc.  However, I have my own theory.

As we know, a couple of decades ago, the world got all worried about the hole in the ozone.  So, all the countries got together to do something about it, and thankfully, it's been slowly repairing itself, and is expected to be fully closed in 40 years or so.  Is it a coincidence that there is global warming as the hole is closing?  Clearly, the hole is there to let the heat OUT!  Now that the ozone is closing, the heat has nowhere to go except for right over my home!  Clearly, we need more hairspray in the world to re-open the hole to cool off the earth.  It's so clear, simple, and based on clear scientific evidence that I just made up.

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A friend of mine told me a very interesting Gemara.

The Gemara (Gittin 58a) asks, "What was the final "blow that put the events of the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash into motion?

It tells the story of a teacher of woodworking needing a loan.  He asks his student for such a loan.  The student, who had his eyes on his teacher's wife, said: If you send me your wife, I'll give her the money.  So, the teacher sent his wife, and after three days of her not appearing, he went to his student.  The student told him that when she arrived, he gave her the money and sent her back.  On the way back, he hinted, she had a … rendezvous ... with some other men.  Not knowing what to do, the teacher asked his student for advice.  His student said, "Simple.  Divorce your wife."  "But, I don't have the money to pay her the kesubah!"  "No problem," said the student, "I'll lend you the money."

So, the teacher took the money and divorced his wife.  Shortly after, the student married the same woman.  When the time came for the teacher to pay back the loan, he still had no money.  "No problem," replied the student, "You can work for me to pay it off."  And so it was, the teacher would wait on the student and his former wife, serving them food and drink."

There are many commentaries that discuss different aspects of this story and some of the glaring questions, it raises.

However, the Yaavetz gives an interesting interpretation of specifically this story was the "final blow" to the Beis HaMikdash.

He explains that it's very possible that no definable, large-scale, sin occurred (read: an affair).  During the three days, nothing happened between the student and the wife.  Nor did the story about the wife and her rendezvous.  In fact, nothing could be "pegged" on the student nor the woman.  And because the people who witnessed this event or heard about it, never protested about it, the nation was punished for this act.

So, the question is: why?  If we couldn't charge them with some specific sin, what was so great that sealed the fate of Yerushaliyim?

The Yaavetz answers that there are some things that are more serious than serious sins.  In this case, they might have done what they did without the ability to be "charged" with any crime, however, they certainly did not consider the rule "Don't do to others as you would not want done to you."  He stole somebody's wife.  And she left her husband for another man.  Neither cared for the sanctity of marriage, nor did they care about the husband and the pain they caused him.  And if that is where the generation was holding, it was clear to Hashem that there was no turning back.

It's one thing to sin.  One can say that he slipped.  It was an accident.  He listened to his Yetzer Horah.  And from there, he can move forward and attempt to repair the damage he did.  But, when one plans something out, and he and everybody can see that what he is doing is not kosher, but technically he's not doing anything we can charge him with, well, that's far worse.  That's premeditative.  And that's saying, "Hashem can't catch me!  I didn't do anything really wrong!" (Besides hurting others.)

If a person puts himself in a position where he will never improve, then there is simply no help for him, and destruction is inevitable.

We have just begun a period of time where we sink to the level of Tisha B'Av, and hopefully pull ourselves up to the level of Simchas Torah in a few months.  This time of year is ripe for repairing the spiritual damage that we have done to ourselves.  The first step, however, is to acknowledge that we actually did something wrong.  If we continue to convince ourselves that "technically this" and "technically that," we will never leave Tisha B'Av.  But, if we can honestly say, "I failed and I gave into the Yetzer Horah," we can move on to a better life.

Have an easy and meaningful Tisha B'Av and a wonderful Shabbos!

Unfortunately, where we live, we have mosquito problems.  They're everywhere.  My wife decided to get one of those electric "tennis rackets" hoping that it will keep the kids a little bit busy hunting them down and zapping them.  Of course, like all such purchases, the racket got into my hands.  The other night, while I was working, a mosquito got in range.  I immediately stood up, grabbed the light-sab… I mean racket, and zapped the living daylights out of it.  Then next thing I know, I was poised ready for the next attack, telling any mosquitoes that were listening, "I am a Jedi, like my father before me…."

I'll be turning 46 next month.

Right after the laws of Tisha B'Av in the Shulchan Oruch, there is a series of laws and traditions that we have throughout the year to remember the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash.  One of the most popular ones is the breaking of the glass cup under the chuppah.

The Pri Migadim, a commentary on the Shulchan Oruch, writes on this tradition and the different variances throughout different communities.  There is one tradition where there are two cups used at today's weddings.  Nowadays, the halachic "engagement" and the actual marriage take place at once.  The cup used for the engagement was made of clay or a similar substance and the cup used for the blessings under the chuppah (the actual marriage) would be made of glass.  After the blessings under the chuppah are made, they would take the first cup, made of clay, and break that one, and not break the glass one.

The Pri Migadim explains why.

When the Jewish people accepted the Torah, that was comparable to the engagement between us and Hashem.  However, following the Golden Calf episode, Moshe broke the tablets (made out of stone) and the "engagement" was seemingly called off, as evidenced by the rest of Jewish history.

However, in the future, when Moshiach comes, there will be a new "engagement" between us and Hashem, and this time, the actual marriage will take place afterwards.

That is why the first cup, made of clay, like the Tablets, is destroyed, since that engagement was seemingly destroyed, and the second cup, made of glass and used in the actual marriage remains intact; to show that our engagement in the future will follow through with a full marriage between us.

As a side note, he also explains why this tradition is not considered wasting money, according to halacha.  Because, when the glass is broken at a wedding and we are reminded that we are still in exile, the breaking serves a purpose of spiritual growth.  From here we see the importance of taking a second or two after they break the glass, to think about our situation, instead of immediately erupting into "mazel tov."  If we don't stop and think, we are wasting money.  If we do stop and think, we are turning the money into a mitzvah.

Have a wonderful Shabbos and a meaningful Three Weeks. 

I have a good friend who recently confided in me that his wife, once again, proved that her "women's intuition" was spot on.  Unfortunately, he grew up in a very emotionally-dysfunctional household.  No need to go into all the details, but despite the fact that there was certainly no abuse, there was still … well … abuse of some sort.  It was mainly emotional, and it's something my friend and his siblings were able to track to the generation above their parents.  It's not that they hate or even blame their parents, but they now understand that they did not grow up in a normal way, and they have to work a bit harder to make sure it doesn't get passed on to the next generation.

However, when his wife predicted several years ago that his parents will eventually go their own separate ways, he living in one place and she living in another, without getting divorced, he thought that she was a bit crazy.  When he spoke with his father last week and heard the news, he realized that his wife really has a "second sense."

"How did she come to dwell alone, the city of a great populace become a widow?" (Eicha 1:1).

When he was describing his parents' relationship with each other, he said that they were like two rivers, both travelling in the same direction, side-by-side, never touching each other.  So, when all the children leave the house, what's there to really hold them together?  So, it's only natural that without any hatred, one would go and do one thing and the other would go the other, even without a divorce.  Yes, they plan to eventually come back together, but in the meantime…

"When the Jewish people would ascend to Yerushaliyim for the three yearly festivals, the Kohanim would pull back the curtain of the Kodesh HaKodashim and show them the cherubim entwined with one another, and say to them (the Jewish people), 'See how much Hashem loves you!'"

The relationship described throughout the Torah between Hashem and the Jewish people is often compared to a husband and wife.  It's more than a friendship, that comes and goes, it's more than a business partnership, which is built on two people profiting from each other's talents.  It's based on a relationship which is forged through the "ups and downs" of life.  Marriage is about two individuals, using their inner strengths, their pros and cons, to navigate through life as one entity.  So too, our relationship with Hashem.  Whether things are going well or things are not so well, we cling to Hashem.  While we do whatever we must to see through such times, we depend on Him to "do His part" as well.  Our relationship is supposed to be a real, meaningful relationship.

Yet, certainly in our generation, we don't feel that relationship.  In fact, most times, we don't feel as if we're in a relationship at all!

"My people committed two evils.  They abandoned Me, the source of living waters, to dig out for themselves cisterns – broken cisterns that cannot hold water" (Yirmeyahu 2:13).

One thing my friend started noticing now about his childhood, was how much his father wasn't around.  While his mother always did her own thing and was not interested in spending time with her husband, his father too, started volunteering at this place or that.  He joined social clubs and kept busy there.  He wasn't doing anything wrong, per se, it's not like there was another woman involved.  It's just he needed some time with people who cared, and he found those people outside the house.  Was he (or she, for that matter) doing anything forbidden?  No, but they certainly were not building a relationship together.  Instead, they were chasing "empty cisterns."  Those friendships that he made lasted as long as the social club or the volunteering did.  But once the social framework was lost, so were the relationships lost.  So, in the end, both of them had nothing.  No relationships from outside of their marriage and no relationships from within the marriage.

And what of ourselves?

When we wake up in the morning, what's the first thing we do?  Do we say "thank you" to Hashem for another day?  Or do we check our email?  When we eat, do we say "thank you" or do we mumble something resembling a bracha?  Do we speak to Hashem in davening, or do we focus on the upcoming day?  When things get tough, do we turn to Hashem, or do we lose ourselves in a good movie or book?  Are we moving through life with a partner, or are we making other "partners" via social media, work, books, movies, etc.?

I remember around 25 years ago, there was a small documentary made called "Trekkers," about Star Trek fans who literally lived out their lives as if they were in Star Trek.  One of them was actually a juror in one of the Clinton trials.  She even showed up to court in a full Starfleet uniform, making nationwide news.  Why do these people live their lives in such a way?  Clearly as an escape from reality.

In what ways do we try to escape reality, and in the end, does that escape really help?

Tisha B'Av is not only a time to cry over the loss of the Beis HaMikdash or Eretz Yisroel or the 2000 year exile that we have been suffering from.  It is also a time to cry over the fact that we can't cry over any of that.  Our relationship with Hashem is so far removed that we don't even know what is reality and what is fantasy, what is real and what is fake.  We are already used to the idea that the "husband" does his thing and the "wife" does her thing, and as long as there are no actual extra-marital "affairs" involved, all is good.  We go through life thinking, "If I don't do any sins, then I'm making Hashem happy."  Is a woman, whose husband does want to see her, yet doesn't see any other women, happy?  Of course not!  So why should our relationship with Hashem be any different?

So, how do we build that relationship?  Each person has their own ways, each according to their individual strengths and weaknesses.  One possible idea is try to at least focus on the brachos that we make on food.  Even just the bracha we make beforehand.  We eat throughout the day, so if we don't have any concentration once or twice, there are plenty of other possibilities.  And if one is successful to have concentration on most of his brachos on that day, he can look back and say, "I spoke directly with Hashem throughout the day".  It's a small thing, but an important one.  A husband and wife who cannot even speak to each other throughout the day, will not be able to build any relationship.  Are we any different?

With this, I wish us all a wonderful Shabbos and a meaningful Tisha B'Av.

On the way into the kollel last week, I was listening to a shiur by Rav Yaakov Leonard.  He was speaking about Tisha B'Av and some of his thoughts on it.


He pointed out the fact that out of 613 mitzvos, most of them are completely not applicable today.  They are connected to the Beis HaMikdash or Kingship or our control over Eretz Yisroel.  /the Torah today is only a fraction of the Torah that we used to have.

 

I believe it was the Vilna Gaon (though I'm not sure, it wasn't clear), who said that if Torah "died" when the Second Beis HaMikdash was destroyed, then during the time of Rav Ashi, who "sealed" the compilation of the Talmud Bavli, the Torah's skin and muscles were already eaten away, and all that was left were the bones.

 

If during the time of Rav Ashi, which was what?  500-600 years after the destruction of the second Beis HaMikdash, the Torah that was left was just the skeleton, what is that status of Torah today?

 

We need not look farther then comparing the state of Torah before the Holocaust and afterwards.  Those that were frum and learned, were on a far, far higher level of learning than we learn today.  A teenager learning all of Shas was still something that was considered normal.  Nowadays … thank G-d, teenagers are learning … but for most, they still need to push themselves just to sit and open a Gemara.

 

A friend of mine once told me that he met an older man, who, as a young man, learned in the famed Mir Yeshivah, "back in the day."  He told my friend that he didn't understand why men had to sit in kollel all day to learn, in order to learn properly.  Why couldn't he understand it?  Because he would get up early in the morning, learn for a few hours, daven, go to work for a full day, go home quickly, and go back to learn for several more hours.  He probably put as much quality time in his learning as a full-time kollel member, and certainly his fellow "working men."

 

In Aleppo, Syria, just a hundred years ago, there was an entire community of workers, pulling such a schedule every day.  Your average "working man" was on some level, a real talmid chacham!

 

But … we can't do that today.

 

Our Torah is not the same as theirs.

 

Our level, our Torah, is not the same as it was 100 years ago.  What was it like 500 years ago?  1000 years ago?  We have no idea.  We cannot visualize such a thing, since we have no concept.

 

However, they say that Moshiach is born on Tisha B'Av.  Why?  Because, when we take a serious accounting on where we are are holding, and when we have a yearning for "time of yore," then we infuse hope and growth into ourselves and into the nation as a whole.  When we leave Tisha B'Av, with one small glimmer of change that we want to make a connection with the Torah of the past, we help build the future.

Have a wonderful Shabbos and a meaningful Tisha B'Av.

Thank you to all our respondents from last week’s poll.  With the exception of poor Lee, everybody voted for Pirkei Avos.  So, I probably will not be around for the next few weeks, since everybody is on summer ‘vacation’, which means we have a house full of kids at home, with no car, hot weather, work to do, etc…   But, we will begin Pirkei Avos, next time we meet.

We just finished up the "semester" in the kollel, where we were learning the laws of cooking on Shabbos. This past week-and-a-half, I dedicated to doing some review and trying to organize everything in my head.  At a certain point, when reviewing a certain topic, I started thinking about something my wife and I have seen in many homes back in the States.  Before putting hot food on their plates, people usually clear their plates of breadcrumbs or salad first, being that the hot food being placed on the plate, will end up cooking them when they touch.

I understood why they would do this with the salad.  Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach says that one does not need to, but there is certainly a halachic basis for it.  However, the breadcrumbs, I couldn’t figure out.  No matter which stringent situation I made in my head, according to everything I’ve seen from modern-day poskim (halachic "judges"), I couldn’t see a situation where even the more stringent of them, in the more stringent situations would say there is a halachic basis for clearing breadcrumbs before hot food (the difference being, the salad is raw and the breadcrumbs have already been "cooked").

So, I started asking around and looking into more and more books on the subject.  Rav Auerbach was the only one who mentioned this, saying it’s an "extra stringency," which is not needed.  While nobody else mentions this situation, I saw that from similar situations, others would say the same, and would say that one does not need to do this.

As I was looking into things, I was overcome by how much one has to learn to properly figure out this question.  It was mind-boggling!  As I said to somebody, showing him the pages dedicated to this one subject, “This particular issue is only a drop in the sea of ‘the laws of cooking’.  Cooking is a drop in the sea of Shabbos.  Shabbos is a drop in the sea of day-to-day halacha.  Day-to-day halacha is a drop in the sea of total halacha, and look what THEY knew!  Rav Auerbach, Rav Ovadiah Yosef, Rav Elyashiv, The Chazon Ish, Rav Mordecai Eliyahu…they all lived in the past 100 years, and look how much they knew and wrote on all of these subjects!  It’s mind-boggling!  And here I am, taking half a year, just to learn about cooking on Shabbos, and here they are bringing in proofs from Trumah (agriculture) and connecting it to cooking on Shabbos!"  Yet, on the other hand, I had to admit, I was able to follow along with 80-86.43 percent of the" conversations" that these rabbis were holding in their books on this particular topic, which is pretty impressive for me.

This reminded me of a talk my Rosh Yeshiva once gave before Tisha B’Av.  Tisha B’Av represents the end of the “Yeshiva Year." There’s a small three-week break that starts after Tisha B’Av and then we begin the year anew on the first of Elul.  On one hand, we need to recognize all that we have accomplished, spiritually, throughout the year.  What we've learned, how we've prayed, how we've done chesed, how much tzeddakah we've given, how we’ve improved in our mitzvos and character flaws, etc. It’s very important that one comes to recognize the good that he’s accomplished.  However, on the other hand, on Tisha B’Av, we need to look back and say, “True, but honestly, how much MORE could I have accomplished, had I put in a little more energy?"

Yes, we cannot compare ourselves to great tzaddikim, even those living in our generation.  It’s simply not fair to ourselves to do so.  They have their missions, we have ours.  However, it is fair, and obligatory to say to ourselves, “Listen, they became who they are, because they put in 110 percent of their power to be where they are today. There is no reason that we should not put in our 110 percent and become greater.”

Tisha B’Av occurred and continues to occur, because, when you bottom-line it, we’re not using all of our potential.  In whatever area in life it is, learning, davening, faith, character improvement, mitzvos improvement, etc., if we put in our 110 percent, we will accomplish far more as individuals and as a nation.

Have a wonderful Shabbos, a meaningful Tisha B’Av, and we’ll see each other in a few weeks, starting Pirkei Avos.

I’m taking a small poll and I would appreciate as much feedback as possible.

An idea came up to switch Frum.org from a parsha-based Dvar Torah every week to Pirkei Avos, where each week we’ll learn a Mishnah from Pirkei Avos.  I wanted some opinions on this, because if this is something people want, I need to find some time to do a little reprogramming of the site so we can make it happen.  So, what do you think?  Just reply to this email.

Okay, on to Torah!

“Every day, a Heavenly voice emanates from Mt. Chorev and says: ‘Woe to people, over the disgrace of Torah!’” (Avos 6:2). 

“After the death of the last prophets, Chagai, Zechariah, and Malachi, Ruach HaKodesh left the Jewish people.  But they would still make use of the Heavenly voice” (Sota 48b). 

The question is always asked about this, “What purpose does this ‘voice’ serve today?  Fine, during the times of prophets and great tsaddikim, THEY could at least hear it.  But us?  If we can’t hear it, what’s the point?”

Rav Shimshon Pincus explains that when two people have a close relationship, they are often able to communicate via mere hints to each other, without having to speak.  So too, when we have a relationship with Hashem, we should be able to see the "hints" in this world to understand what He wants from us.

Rav Elchanan Wasserman would say that even today, when we don’t have prophets, Hashem speaks to us through the enemies of the Jewish people.  The things our enemies do to us embody the Heavenly voice.  Someone who merits it will hear the voice straight from Mt. Chorev, and someone who doesn’t merit, will hear it through the Jewish people’s enemies.

Let’s look at what Hitler and the Nazis did shortly before the Holocaust:

They forbid mix marriages between non-Jewish Germans and Jews, they forbid Jews from entering German schools, Jews could no longer attend the theatre and opera, and Jews were only allowed to have mass gatherings in their shuls and yeshivos.

On one hand, these were laws made by the Nazis to belittle the Jewish people.  Yet, at the same time, these exact same things were issues that rabbeim were crying out about at the time and even today.  Hashem was sending us a message before the Holocaust on where we were being lax and what we needed to work on.

In Poland, before the war, shechitah was banned on the grounds that it was considered inhumane.  Rav Yerucham of Mir spoke about it and said that “shechitah was being taken away because we were not sufficiently meticulous regarding such mitzvos.”

When we don’t keep mitzvos properly, then those mitzvos are taken away from us.  We were not using korbonos properly, so they were taken from us.  We were not keeping the halachos of Eretz Yisroel properly, so that was taken away from us.  In places like America, we weren’t keeping ourselves separate enough, so now there’s an intermarriage rate of 80 percent.

We need to start looking around and listening carefully to society around us to understand what we need to work on.   However, each society is different.  America is not Israel.  Israel is not Europe.  Each community needs to look around THEM and see what the rising issue is.  What are the enemies of the Jewish people in Europe saying to the Europeans?  What are those in Israeli saying to the Israelis?  And America?  Well, I don’t know the situation there as well as you.  But from what I understand, you already have some enemies who are popular in Congress.  And you have a President who…well…you know who he is.  Perhaps he has done some good for Israel for now, however,  I think, though, there is what to learn about ourselves from him.

Either way, each and every day a voice goes out, and it’s up to us to be able to catch the hints. 

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

My wife has made a new friend from work.  A chassidish woman from Boro Park.

It’s a very interesting relationship.  Because on one hand, this woman has very limited interaction with the non-Chassidish Jewish world (in Israel, Chassidim and non-Chassidim are constantly interacting with each other as compared to the US), so in turn, she had certain stereotypes of non-Chassidim.   My wife has Chassidish friends here, but not in Boro Park, so, my wife as well had certain stereotypes about Chassidim there.  Most of them are not even negative.  For example, she was translating every Yiddish word she used for my wife, thinking non-Chassidim don’t know basic Yiddish words.

What they both DO have in common, is an open mind to learn, and the desire to grow.

Rav Shimshon Refoel Hirsch, wrote “The Sixteen Letters," fictional letters between two friends, one frum, one no longer frum, and their views on Judaism.  I think my wife and her new friend are writing “The Sixteen Emails," which not only talk about some of their differences, but on how much they have in common, and more importantly, what are the proper ways of growth.  It’s interesting, but they both agree, since they have never met each other, and chances are may never meet, they can both be open with each other in ways they cannot be with others.  It’s also interesting seeing each side break down the stereotypes of the other, and seeing the open honesty in learning from the other how to grow and raise a growth-oriented family.

Her husband had a sponsored trip to Europe a few weeks ago and put in a little extra money to come to Israel first for a few days.  He went to Meron for Shabbos, but on the way, he wanted to stop off with a little package from his wife to mine, and also to thank my wife personally for the relationship, and how much his wife appreciates it.

So, if two women, with two COMPLETELY different backgrounds can make friends with each other, well, there’s a lesson here.  When people are growth-oriented, they can push what they THOUGHT aside, and learn many new things instead.

On to Torah!

Most of the time, we don’t “feel” the Three Weeks or Tisha B’Av.  A few years ago, we had a war here in Gaza with rockets landing in half of the country and the other half on the brink of it.  That brought some “feelings," but it had nothing to do with Tisha B’Av.  We don’t feel something that we've never experienced.  When we read history books, we understand that during the time of the First Beis HaMikdash, the Jewish people were at their zenith.  Good.  But what exactly does that mean?  We cannot understand it, since it’s something that we have never experienced.

Rav Pincus explains that there were three times that Hashem was the "groom" of the wedding and man served as the "headwaiter."  One was Adam and Chava before their initial sin.  They both had everything they needed, spiritually and materialistically.  If you were to ask Adam if he was the "groom of the wedding," he would reply, “No, I’m just the headwaiter here."  Then came the Yetzer Harah and said, “Eat from the Tree of Knowledge, and YOU can be the groom just like Hashem!”

Adam’s sin was that he was saying, “Could You please move over?  You’re not the groom anymore.  From now on, it’s me.  The whole world revolves around me, and is meant to serve me.  And You, Hashem, are the Headwaiter."

At that point, man became the center of the world, instead of Hashem.  And the results were devastating.  Not so much as a punishment, but as a simple result.

When a rich man makes a wedding, the wedding is something we cannot imagine!  Forget cakes! There are courses and courses of fresh meats and vegetables.  Wines and drinks.  Flowers and music.  Yet, the poor man, when he makes a wedding? Plastic plates and chicken that breaks the forks when you cut it.

When Hashem is the groom, the wedding is on Hashem’s level.  Everybody receives only the best.  When man is the groom, then the level of the wedding is moved down to the level of man: disease, poverty, sickness.

Before Adam’s sin, before the sin of the Calf, and during the first Beis HaMikdash, Hashem was the center of the world.  Hence, the world was on Hashem’s "level."  After man took center stage, the level was lowered.

When we say to Hashem “move over," He does, but the natural results will be devastating.

Rav Pincus once saw an article describing how spiders eat flies.  The researcher said, that if we would understand how cruelly the spider ate the fly, the Nazi’s wouldn’t look so bad, yet nobody criticizes the fly.  Why?  Because that’s it’s nature.  Flies eat spiders.  Nazi’s kill Jews.  It’s all natural.

So when, in the later 1800s and early 1900s, the Jewish world said to Hashem, “Man is the center of the world!  Our scientific and humanistic educations are allowing us to attain unprecedented heights.  Hashem, move over!” Hashem simply "shrugged" and moved over.  And then, nature took over, and Nazis killed Jews.  Then we turn around and say, “Where was G-d”???

It is unfortunately natural for us to look at davening and mitzvos as "prices to  pay" to the Headwaiter, Hashem, so he will give us good in this world.  We daven for Hashem for good health, happy children, and good income.  In turn, we expect that he will give it to us.  However, even while we do these mitzvos, our mentality is, “Look, I’m davening to you. I’m doing this or that mitzvah. In exchange, please give me…” So, in truth, we are still the center of the world.

By switching our mentalities and saying, “Hashem is the groom, and we are to serve Him,” then things really will change.  When He takes the center and we understand our position in this world, then as a result (not so much a reward, but a result), the standards of the world, spiritually and materialistically speaking, will go up.  What will bring Moshiach?  When we start to make Hashem, instead of Man, the center of the world.

Have a great Shabbos!

Last Friday, things were getting a bit hectic and stressful.  After something fell and spilled on the floor, I asked my wife if we should “go to Red Alert.”  After she agreed, I turned to my 10-year-old and said, “Chaim...take us to Red Alert!”  He gave me a confused look and in his “perfect” English replied, “Where that is?”

Two languages. Two countries. Billions of miles apart. 

“For you I remember the kindness of your youth, the love of your bridal times, how you followed Me in the wilderness” (Yirmiyahu 2:2). 

Remembering the past seems to be a very big thing within the Jewish world.  We are constantly reminding ourselves of the exodus from Egypt, of the receiving of the Torah, of the splitting of the Sea, Hashem’s Presence in the world, of the destruction of both Beis HaMikdashes, of all the calamities that have befallen us, etc.  And in a way, Tisha B’Av is a Day of Remembrance, it’s a time that we connect to our past and mourn over our present.

Rav Shimshon Pincus asks, how do we connect to the past?

The Torah commands us not to desire things that belong to other people, yet, the Ibn Ezra asks, how is it possible to command a person not to be jealous, when it is an emotion of the heart?  He answers that a person does not desire something which he has no connection to.  And as long as a person does not connect to the thing he desires, he will no longer desire it.  For example, I might be jealous of my neighbor’s car.  He has a nice one, and I don’t have one at all.  Yet, on the other hand, I’m not jealous of a rich man’s personal plane.  Why?  It’s not in my reality.  I’m never going to have the ability to own one.  Heck, I don’t even have a car!

Following on the same lines, you will find people who will say, I want to be like my rav; or like my neighbor, who does so much chesed; or like my friend, who always has complete faith; or like my brother, who is able to learn an incredible amount despite having a large family, etc. Yet, you don’t hear people saying, “I want to be like the Chofetz Chaim or like the Rambam, etc.”  Why?  Because your rav, neighbor, friend, and brother are all connected to you.  You know deep down inside that if you work hard enough, you can attain some degree of greatness that they have. Yet, the Chofetz Chaim and the Rambam?  We can’t relate to them, and we know that they are above and beyond our reach.

However, there is a still a bond between us and them.  Perhaps we don’t aspire to be like them, but we still learn from them and appreciate who they were and their greatness.  And through that appreciation, we maintain a connection, however slim, with them.

Throughout the years, I’ve been fortunate to be able to not only visit the graves of such tsaddikim (living in Northern Israel has its perks), but I’ve also been fortunate to stand in the remains of shuls that stood during the time of the Second Beis HaMikdash, or shortly after.  Recently, I walked the exact streets as Rebbe Yehuda HaNasi, who compiled the Mishnah, when he lived in Tzippori.  When you visit such places, and you understand the history of them, it’s not just a matter of, “something important happened here.” Rather, it’s “there was greatness here.”  You feel and understand that our fathers lived here, and lived here at a far higher level than we do.  Perhaps it’s beyond us for now, but the recognition of the greatness that once was, and continuing to learn from that greatness, allows us to keep our connection to the past.

During the next three weeks, starting right after Shabbos, until Tisha B’Av, we begin a period of mourning over the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash, and all that has happened to us since then.  It’s not a time of simply "remembering" what has occurred, but rather a time of strengthening of the real connection between us and the past, and bringing that past into the present.

Have a great Shabbos!

I had to speak to one of my non-religious neighbors yesterday.

As I walked into his home, I saw a few photos of his daughter’s wedding from two years ago.  You know, the standard wedding photos, when they’re looking at each other all googly-eyed or they’re walking in nature together, in some “zen” moment.  I really couldn’t understand it.  How is marriage ANYTHING like that?  Has ANYBODY had a “zen” moment with their spouse?  When was the last time your spouse looked at you in some “googly eyed” way?

Sorry.  That’s not reality.

Really, marriage is like tag-team wrestling.  One goes in to fight the battles, whether they be children, schools, the electric company's stealing money from you, children, breaking up fights between children, house repairs, children, money issues, more children, etc. You’re both broken, bloody, sweaty, and only dream of being able to get to the ropes to tag your partner so you can take a break.

Zen moments?  Yeah, right.

Okay, on to more important things.

It’s taught that the (spiritual) light that was created during the Six Days of Creation was stored away.  Hashem did not want those who wish to use it for evil to have any access to it.  So, he hid it away for the future, for the righteous to take part of.  A bit Kabbalistic, I know.  It is also taught that every Moed (holiday), Hashem allows some of that light into our world to allow us to make use of it.

As we know, Tisha B’Av is called a Moed.  At first, this seems a bit puzzling, since Tisha B’Av is the “Memorial Day” of the Jewish calendar.  However, a deeper look at Tisha B’Av shows us that it’s not simply a “Memorial Day.”  Memorial Days are used to commemorate those who died in either wars or national catastrophes.  But those are all in the past. They happened.  There is nothing we can do to change what occurred or bring back those who were lost.  Tisha B’Av is different.  We mourn for three weeks, seemingly over all the terrible things that have happened throughout our history, specifically, the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash.  Yet, when noon arrives, the time the Beis HaMikdash was lit on fire, we begin to arise from our mourning.

Obviously something is not normal here.

Rav Pincus explains that while it is true, we mourn the destructive history our people have had in exile, Tisha B’Av is nonetheless, more than that.  We also mourn over what has become (currently) of the Jewish people, as a nation, and our own spiritual state.

Rav Asher Rubenstein used to say that after 120 years, we will go and see two movies.  One movie will be our life.  The other movie will be what our life should have been had we properly used the gifts Hashem has given us.  Our goal is two bring the first movie inline as much as possible with the second one.

Rav Pincus explains that Tisha B’Av is a time of mourning for our own personal selves.  All the opportunities we have thrown away.  The spiritual state we COULD be in, if we only tried harder.  It is a time of putting away all of our excuses and seeing exactly what has become of us.

He explains that Tisha B’Av is called a Moed because it DOES allow us to use this spiritual light.  While we might be confused, since Tisha B’Av seems to be a time of darkness, we must remember what light does to darkness.  It allows us to see what could not have been seen before.  Throughout the year, we try not to focus on our negatives.  After all, how can we continue on in life seeing only the negatives.  And who really wants to?

However, Tisha B’Av is a time of light.  It allows us to see what we are and what we should be.  It allows us to have a clearer perception of where we need to direct our lives, especially now that Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur will soon be upon us.

When we mourn, we mourn over things that are dead.  However, by putting aside our countless excuses and seeing the depths that we have fallen to, we are able to begin to put aside the mourning, even on Tisha B’Av itself.  If we use the light of Tisha B’Av, we are proving that we are not dead and we DO have a future, and we CAN build ourselves up.  If that is the case, then even in the middle of Tisha B’Av, we can begin to arise and heal our spiritual wounds, to show that our spiritual heart is still beating, and we can and will continue to grow.

Have a wonderful Shabbos and meaningful Tisha B’Av.

Michael Winner

With the arrival of the baby, for the first time, we are a “boy family.” I’ve been wondering if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I happen not to like boys. They're useless, dirty, don’t listen, obnoxious, etc. However, I’ve seen that generally, when they grow older, they’re good to have around (and I’m starting to see that as well). Girls on the other hand are fine when they are young. They are cleaner, they help out, and they will listen to you. Of course, when they get older, they become emotional time-bombs, and remain that way forever. So this is part of the “back and forth” I was having in my head. That ended two days ago, when my wife told me what happened when I was in kollel. It seems there was a fly that was bothering the baby, so somehow, my six-year-old was able to swat it on the floor, where it landed on its back. Of course, he had to finish the job and squish it with his foot. Naturally, he wasn’t wearing any shoes. After “the smoosh,” he picked off the dead fly from his sock, looked at it, and proceeded to chase the girls around the room with it.

There is no longer a question in my mind: boys are better.
Rav Shimshon Pincus writes, “Tisha B’Av is a day of mourning, as reflected in its halachos. Over whom does one mourn? Not over a person who fell sick! Mourning is only over someone who died.

“Let’s try to understand who died, over whom we are mourning. Did Yerushalayim die? Did the Beis HaMikdash die? Certainly not. The Zohar says that Hashem swore He will not enter the heavenly Yerushalayim until the Jewish people enters the earthly Yerushalayim (Zohar, Naso 147b). The heavenly Yerushalayim exists; the Beis HaMikdash exists. It is being held in storage above, where it is waiting, ready to come to us.

“So perhaps we are mourning over the Jewish people? This can’t be either, because the Jewish people survived, and will live forever. And if you say we are mourning over Dovid HaMelech, over the Davidic Kingdom, this, too, is not so. ‘Dovid Melech Yisroel chai v’kayam!’ (Rosh Hashanah 25a).

“So who died? Who are we mourning for? We are forced to say that we are mourning over ourselves. Each person is mourning over his own life that perished!”

What does Rav Pincus mean “over his own life that perished”?

My Rosh Yeshivah, Rav Asher Rubenstein, used to say that after 120 years, we will all go up and they will show us two movies. One movie will be our life as we led it. The second movie will be about what our life COULD have been had we used all our potential that He gave us.

We mourn over Tisha B’Av because we mourn the loss of potential, and the continuous loss of potential that we experience in exile.

To put this into better perspective: Around a year ago, I was having trouble learning a particular halacha in the Shulchan Aruch. The Shulchan Aruch was clear, however, I was having issues with some of the commentaries. I went to a friend to help me out on it, and after pointing me in the right direction, he remarked, “It’s amazing when you think about it. Here we are learning ‘The Shach’ and ‘The Taz’ and other works. For many of them, they lived in times of turmoil and were being chased from one land to another. They experienced many troubles, yet they were able to produce important works that are being learned 400 years later. Yet, we are sitting in an air-conditioned beis medresh in relative comfort, with homes and food on our tables, and we are racking our brains trying to understand them!”

Perhaps by using the next nine days to think about where we are holding in life and what our potential really is, we can better use Tisha B’Av, and more importantly, better ourselves for the future.

Have a meaningful Tisha B'Av.

With the arrival of the baby, for the first time, we are a “boy family.” I’ve been wondering if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I happen not to like boys. They're useless, dirty, don’t listen, obnoxious, etc. However, I’ve seen that generally, when they grow older, they’re good to have around (and I’m starting to see that as well). Girls on the other hand are fine when they are young. They are cleaner, they help out, and they will listen to you. Of course, when they get older, they become emotional time-bombs, and remain that way forever. So this is part of the “back and forth” I was having in my head. That ended two days ago, when my wife told me what happened when I was in kollel. It seems there was a fly that was bothering the baby, so somehow, my six-year-old was able to swat it on the floor, where it landed on its back. Of course, he had to finish the job and squish it with his foot. Naturally, he wasn’t wearing any shoes. After “the smoosh,” he picked off the dead fly from his sock, looked at it, and proceeded to chase the girls around the room with it.
There is no longer a question in my mind: boys are better.

Rav Shimshon Pincus writes, “Tisha B’Av is a day of mourning, as reflected in its halachos. Over whom does one mourn? Not over a person who fell sick! Mourning is only over someone who died.

“Let’s try to understand who died, over whom we are mourning. Did Yerushalayim die? Did the Beis HaMikdash die? Certainly not. The Zohar says that Hashem swore He will not enter the heavenly Yerushalayim until the Jewish people enters the earthly Yerushalayim (Zohar, Naso 147b). The heavenly Yerushalayim exists; the Beis HaMikdash exists. It is being held in storage above, where it is waiting, ready to come to us.

“So perhaps we are mourning over the Jewish people? This can’t be either, because the Jewish people survived, and will live forever. And if you say we are mourning over Dovid HaMelech, over the Davidic Kingdom, this, too, is not so. ‘Dovid Melech Yisroel chai v’kayam!’ (Rosh Hashanah 25a).

“So who died? Who are we mourning for? We are forced to say that we are mourning over ourselves. Each person is mourning over his own life that perished!”

What does Rav Pincus mean “over his own life that perished”?

My Rosh Yeshivah, Rav Asher Rubenstein, used to say that after 120 years, we will all go up and they will show us two movies. One movie will be our life as we led it. The second movie will be about what our life COULD have been had we used all our potential that He gave us.

We mourn over Tisha B’Av because we mourn the loss of potential, and the continuous loss of potential that we experience in exile.

To put this into better perspective: Around a year ago, I was having trouble learning a particular halacha in the Shulchan Aruch. The Shulchan Aruch was clear, however, I was having issues with some of the commentaries. I went to a friend to help me out on it, and after pointing me in the right direction, he remarked, “It’s amazing when you think about it. Here we are learning ‘The Shach’ and ‘The Taz’ and other works. For many of them, they lived in times of turmoil and were being chased from one land to another. They experienced many troubles, yet they were able to produce important works that are being learned 400 years later. Yet, we are sitting in an air-conditioned beis medresh in relative comfort, with homes and food on our tables, and we are racking our brains trying to understand them!”

Perhaps by using the next nine days to think about where we are holding in life and what our potential really is, we can better use Tisha B’Av, and more importantly, better ourselves for the future.

Have a great Shabbos!

With the arrival of the baby, for the first time, we are a “boy family.” I’ve been wondering if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I happen not to like boys. They're useless, dirty, don’t listen, obnoxious, etc. However, I’ve seen that generally, when they grow older, they’re good to have around (and I’m starting to see that as well). Girls on the other hand are fine when they are young. They are cleaner, they help out, and they will listen to you. Of course, when they get older, they become emotional time-bombs, and remain that way forever. So this is part of the “back and forth” I was having in my head. That ended two days ago, when my wife told me what happened when I was in kollel. It seems there was a fly that was bothering the baby, so somehow, my six-year-old was able to swat it on the floor, where it landed on its back. Of course, he had to finish the job and squish it with his foot. Naturally, he wasn’t wearing any shoes. After “the smoosh,” he picked off the dead fly from his sock, looked at it, and proceeded to chase the girls around the room with it.

There is no longer a question in my mind: boys are better.
Rav Shimshon Pincus writes, “Tisha B’Av is a day of mourning, as reflected in its halachos. Over whom does one mourn? Not over a person who fell sick! Mourning is only over someone who died.

“Let’s try to understand who died, over whom we are mourning. Did Yerushalayim die? Did the Beis HaMikdash die? Certainly not. The Zohar says that Hashem swore He will not enter the heavenly Yerushalayim until the Jewish people enters the earthly Yerushalayim (Zohar, Naso 147b). The heavenly Yerushalayim exists; the Beis HaMikdash exists. It is being held in storage above, where it is waiting, ready to come to us.

“So perhaps we are mourning over the Jewish people? This can’t be either, because the Jewish people survived, and will live forever. And if you say we are mourning over Dovid HaMelech, over the Davidic Kingdom, this, too, is not so. ‘Dovid Melech Yisroel chai v’kayam!’ (Rosh Hashanah 25a).

“So who died? Who are we mourning for? We are forced to say that we are mourning over ourselves. Each person is mourning over his own life that perished!”

What does Rav Pincus mean “over his own life that perished”?

My Rosh Yeshivah, Rav Asher Rubenstein, used to say that after 120 years, we will all go up and they will show us two movies. One movie will be our life as we led it. The second movie will be about what our life COULD have been had we used all our potential that He gave us.

We mourn over Tisha B’Av because we mourn the loss of potential, and the continuous loss of potential that we experience in exile.

To put this into better perspective: Around a year ago, I was having trouble learning a particular halacha in the Shulchan Aruch. The Shulchan Aruch was clear, however, I was having issues with some of the commentaries. I went to a friend to help me out on it, and after pointing me in the right direction, he remarked, “It’s amazing when you think about it. Here we are learning ‘The Shach’ and ‘The Taz’ and other works. For many of them, they lived in times of turmoil and were being chased from one land to another. They experienced many troubles, yet they were able to produce important works that are being learned 400 years later. Yet, we are sitting in an air-conditioned beis medresh in relative comfort, with homes and food on our tables, and we are racking our brains trying to understand them!”

Perhaps by using the next nine days to think about where we are holding in life and what our potential really is, we can better use Tisha B’Av, and more importantly, better ourselves for the future.

Have a great Shabbos!