I'm finally starting to get over this week-long flu that's been going around the country. Usually, if I get it, it's a day or two, but this? Nearly an entire week! Most women don't know how it feels for a man to have the flu, especially for so long. Yeah, they say things like "Well, we have babies," but please, there's no comparison. The emotional turmoil that we have to go through is something you cannot understand.
As I was lying on my couch, shivering with a fever, in my pajamas, surrounded by my blanket, hot water, and teddy bear, I couldn't help but think what real American heroes have done over the years, without caring how they felt. I remembered that time some German terrorists took over a building in some unnamed city, and Bruce Willis, an off-duty cop, single-handedly killed all the them, despite being shot and cut up by broken glass from all the explosions he caused with his quick thinking and no explosive material on hand. Or remember in the 1980s when a division of Russian paratroopers took over Alaska, and a group of teenagers put together a ragtag team and fought them off? Or how about when some alien "predator" landed in Central America and started killing people as part of some interplanetary hunting spree? Arnold Schwarzenegger went in with his commando team (losing them all) and saving the ENTIRE WORLD! (which is how he won the governorship of California). All these people, who gave blood (usually other people's) and sweat to save others, and here was I, a useless lump of meat unable to do anything but compare myself to their greatness.
It's very depressing. Every man can understand what I've been going through, while I'm sure every woman is simply rolling her eyes. And everybody is probably thinking right now: What type of meds is he on and where can I get those?
In this week's parsha, Yosef, after many years, meets his brothers, who sold him into slavery. When he recognized them, and they did not recognize him as Vice Pharoah of Egypt, he could have done two things. He could have revealed his identity or he could have continued the "ruse." As part of his decision, he needed to keep in mind his dreams, that they will bow down to him, accepting him as their ruler. This was not out of ego, but one of national necessity. After all, that is why Hashem gave him those dreams to begin with.
The Kedushas Levi writes that he chose to continue to conceal his identity to spare the brothers from further embarrassment that they will experience. He explained that when a person is defeated, it's painful, but to have to bow down to the victor and be reminded of his defeat? That's far worse.
This is exactly what Hitler did when he defeated France in World War II after approximately 0.348 seconds of French resistance to the German invasion. Instead of accepting the French surrender in some official government building, Hitler chose the original train car that the Germans were forced to surrender in, ending the first world war. He did so simply to show the French, "who's boss."
Yosef knew that his brothers would find it much easier to bow to the Vice Pharoah of Egypt, rather than to their brother whom they sold to slavery, and therefore carried on in this role.
We see the importance of keeping other peoples' feelings in the equation when dealing with them, especially, if they have the "weaker hand."
An excellent example occurred with somebody in one of my daughter's classes. A girl in the class had on a pair of earrings, and somehow, it looked like the earrings went through two piercings of the ear, and having two piercings in one ear goes against the school's dress code. The teacher berated the student and told her to go to the principal, even after the student explained that it was really one piercing and it only looked as if there were two. The principal, thankfully, took a different route than the teacher. She looked at the earrings on the girl, smiled, and said, "WOW! Those are really cool earrings!" then pelted her with questions like, "Where did you get them? How much were they?" etc. In the end, the principal said, "Listen, I think those are great and look wonderful on you. However, it LOOKS like you have two piercings, even though you and I know you have only one, so I think it's best not to wear them in school as not to give the wrong impression."
In the end, the student felt wonderful about herself, while the principal was able to maintain the rules of the school and the respect and admiration of a student.
We have what to learn from this principal.
With that thought, I wish you an amazing Shabbos!