I'm in trouble.
Our 20th anniversary is coming up on Sunday and I have no idea what I should do to commemorate such an occasion. I consulted the Holy Google, who told me that the traditional gift for twenty years is china. And, I did not know that such a concept existed, the traditional "stone" is emerald.
If I buy an emerald ring from Ali Express for her, does that count?
Why do these things always fall upon the man to figure out???
Sigh.
I ran into an interesting Gemara (Moed Katan 16b), which has nothing to do with the parsha, but since I'm writing this, you can't stop me!
The Gemara quotes Shmuel II (23:8), "These are the names of David's mighty men: Josheb-basshebeth a Tahchemonite, chief of the captains, which is Adino the Eitzni, who slew eight hundred at one time."
On the surface, it looks like we're learning about the people who served with Dovid HaMelech. The Gemara, however, interprets it a bit deeper, that each of these (and other) names, represent an aspect of Dovid himself. Regarding the name, "Adino the Eitzni," the Gemara writes that when Dovid HaMelech would learn Torah, he would sit and bend (mey-ADIN) himself like a worm. Yet, when he would go out to war, he would make himself as hard as wood (EITZ).
One of Rav Reuven Leuchter's "themes" is to live in the moment and try to learn what Hashem wants from me through that. He does not like when people have unchanging "shittos," or "views of life," in which they take everything that happens, and try to stuff it into that world view to make sense.
During Corona, for example, he spoke against those who bent over backwards, against the law, in order to make a minyan. He believed that Hashem put us in a situation where most could not attend a minyan, and therefore, we need to realize that this too is from Hashem, and we need to learn from it. In fact, I know somebody, who once davened in an illegal minyan, but he stayed by himself in the women's section. In the middle of Shemoneh Esrei, the police came in, and he watched everybody, against halacha, stop and run out of the building, as not to get a fine!
Yet, on the other hand, Rav Leuchter was with his Rav, Rav Volbi, when he was on vacation and there was no minyan around. He said that Rav Volbi's shachris was unlike any other shachris he davened when with a minyan. He stood outside and practically sang the first third of davening. He took the opportunity that he was in, he had no minyan, and he used it to grow, by taking his time and davening out loud.
And this is what we see with Dovid HaMelech. We're not talking about taking a certain character trait and using it differently in different situations. We're speaking about an entire outlook in life. What does Hashem want from me NOW? Right now, I'm learning Torah. Therefore, I am to humble myself and learn like a child. Right now, I'm in war. Therefore, I am to strengthen myself and not waver.
How does this apply in our lives?
I like to get up a tad early on Shabbos morning to learn before davening. It's usually when my brain is the clearest (or actually clear compared to the rest of the week). The wife and kids are asleep, everything is quiet, and after a strong coffee, I'm set to go. It's great.
However, a few weeks ago, Mr. One-Year-Old decided to get up extra early and my wife was too exhausted to get up with him. So, there are two ways of looking at the situation: The first is, my job is to learn Torah. This is the best time for me to do so. My wife should strengthen herself a little and watch him so I can learn. After all, she gets all the merit as well. In this case, I'm taking my personal outlook in life, and trying to shove the situation to fit it. Oh, and I'm also destroying my marriage. The second way is: my job is to what Hashem wants me to do at this moment. Clearly, the baby is up and not going back down, my wife is extremely tired, and therefore, I have an obligation to take care of my own child and to do a chesed for my wife. Therefore, I need to put aside what I want and do what Hashem is clearly telling me to do.
So, I spent some time building block towers for him to destroy, actually changed a diaper, and went on a walk together. Did I get to learn? No. But I did what Hashem wanted from me at that time.
Many people view the world as a giant test. We're supposed to do X, Y, and Z no matter what comes our way. And if we overcome, we're successful and if not, we fail. But life is not like that. Yes, Hashem sends us tests, but instead of looking at them as tests to overcome at all costs, we need to look at them as opportunities to learn and grow. And instead of viewing our life's mission to do X, Y, and Z, we need to reframe our outlook and think, my life's mission is to do what Hashem wants from me, right now, at all times.
We that, I wish you all a wonderful Shabbos.