I was sitting and speaking with a secular Israeli the other day (secular, being, he GUESSED, that a boy starts putting on tefillin at the age of thirteen). Mid-thirties, certainly on the left, really sweet guy. He, and his wife, were about to embark on their six-month vacation to South Asia. Not my cup of tea, but, to each his own.
Of course, politics and the war came up which is always fun to talk about. Then he asked me about the draft and the Ultra-Orthodox and wanted to know my opinion. A bit dangerous, but he really seemed interested in hearing my side.
So, I opened up and told him, that I fully understand the side that wants to draft us all. I do. There's logic to it, and there is emotion as well. I cannot simply wave my hand and dismiss it.
Then I began and asked him, "This is a Jewish country, correct?"
"Correct."
"Great. How would you feel if I made a law that said every boy and girl, from age 15-18 must go to yeshiva to learn about Judaism? They can come home once every two weeks and do whatever they want. They don't have to be religious at all. But, within the yeshiva, they have to maintain some minimum religious standards. And at 18, they go off and do whatever they want. You would be against it, wouldn't you?"
"Of course."
"Why? Because it goes against the education and values that you wish to pass on to your children. We're no different. However, we don’t believe that once a person turns 18, his parents are no longer obligated to continue his education. Parents play a very pivotal role in their children's life up until they get married (and even after in some ways). In fact, in our world, before a boy and girl go out, it's up to the parents to check things out first to make sure it's even something to consider. And it's specifically during the ages of 18-23 where a person usually matures and focuses and directs his life. I wouldn't be where I am today, if not for such decisions during that stage of life. And for that reason, we cannot turn our children over to a system which does not only not share such values, but they can't really understand it. So, while there are individuals from religious homes who could go through it without issues, many cannot."
He thought about it and understood my point, then asked, "What happens if they make units based off of your values?"
To which I answered, "They did, and it failed miserably. They are currently trying out a new unit in which they are incorporating new ideas that they learned from the previous failure, but we have to see what will become of that. But even if the army went ahead and agreed 100 percent to work with such soldiers, giving them everything they need, there's another issue. What happens if the army agrees and says, 'Okay, these units will only be taught by men and have only men on base, then some leftist group goes to the Supreme Court who says it's unconstitutional … now what? The army, despite all good intentions, cannot fulfill it's own promises."
Even a lefty knows how left the Supreme Court is, and he smiled and nodded his head knowing that he had no argument against that point.
There are other issues involved of course, but on those it's hard for somebody who has to guess when somebody puts on tefillin to understand, so it's not worth bringing up.
Whether he agrees with me or not, I have no idea. But, at least I was able to articulate our position in a respectful and understandable way. And equally important, that he himself was a person who was willing to listen to somebody on the other side.
You want to know how to repair breaches in society? You talk with respect and openness with other people. You don't have to agree, but you should at least be respectful and understanding to the other side. Unfortunately though, many people prefer not to.
"He cried out to Hashem, and Hashem showed him a piece of wood and he cast it into the water and the water was sweetened. There He set for them statutes and ordinances; and there He tested them" (Shemos 15:25).
Right after being saved at the Red Sea, the nation comes to find itself in the middle of the desert with no food or water. It's an interesting situation, which I'm sure psychologists would have a field day with. But here you have a nation who just experienced months and months of open miracles. And only days before, saw the miracles at the Red Sea. And yet, when they come to the desert, and things quiet down, they immediately come to complain, as if nothing happened not that long ago.
But, let's admit it, it's human nature. Each person can look back in life, and if they look carefully, they could see how "somebody" above is watching over them. When somebody asked me about my financial plans regarding my future, I honestly told them, "I have no idea, and I do worry about it. However, regarding saving and spending properly, I'm doing what is considered normal. Regarding making more money, thank G-d, I'm still able to learn and work, and somehow things are working out. So, based on Hashem's past record in taking care of me, if I continue to do what is right in His eyes, I'm going to have to assume that He will continue to take care of me. And if not, then it's a sign that I need to change directions somewhere, and at that point I'll do what I always do … speak to people [spiritually] bigger than I."
Rashi comes on this pasuk and offers a bit of insight somewhat related to what I just said.
"AND THERE HE TESTED THEM – the people; and He saw their stubbornness: that they did not consult with Moshe in a respectful fashion: 'Entreat for us that we may have water to drink' – but they grumbled."
Hashem does send us tests. Obviously, not for Himself, but for us. Sometimes to show us where we are lacking or sometimes to show us where we are strong. But there are two ways of handling tests. One, is to outright complain. To us, Hashem is wronging us, is not taking care of us, etc. Hashem, our servant, is failing us.
Several years ago, a popular Israeli singer, Chanan ben Ari, put out a song called "Ours Lives are Strawberries" (it sounds better in Hebrew). It was inspired by one or two of his children complaining in the back of the car as he was driving. The song is about how, yes, life is not easy, but we must count our blessings. It gained wide popularity within both the secular and religious worlds.
He recently visited some of the soldiers who were released in recent weeks. They told him that in captivity, when they were together, they sang his song. However, they made a small change.
His lyrics were:
"We have no right to complain at all, everything is "tfu chamsa bli ayin hara", thank G-d, because our lives are strawberries!"
Theirs were:
"We have no right to complain, you're not in captivity, so don't pity yourself, because our lives are strawberries!"
Here, young women, being kept and tortured for over a year, were able to keep a positive outlook and not complain. Some of them, somehow, kept mitzvos that they never kept before, in order to make a positive change in themselves in order to merit redemption.
How many of us, could honestly, pull that attitude off?
Life is always full of twist and turns. Hopefully, we experience only minor ones in the grand scheme of things. But there are times where issues such as health, wealth, etc. come up, which are bigger and more worrisome. Regarding both minor and major things, we should try our best not to complain and not to be upset at "Hashem our servant." Rather, we should calm ourselves down and remember who's running the show and who the servant really is, then sit and think of areas where we need to fix up our own issues or improve in some area in life. And if we cannot, or we can, but still want to, go to somebody bigger and ask them for brachos and perhaps advice. It does not have to be the "Moshe" of our generation. Personally, when I felt I needed some "spiritual backing," I've gone to the one person who sits alone in the back and is learning and davening all day, and ask him to daven on my behalf (note: Sfardim are particularly good people to go to for brachos).
But the most important part is to try to be calm and not complain. You can worry, that's different and normal, you can also be afraid, because you're human, but at least try not to complain. Try to entreat Hashem in a polite manner begging for His assistance. This is what these episodes in the desert are teaching us, and if that generation had problems with it, it shows how difficult it is. But, nonetheless, it's something we can work on.
With this, I wish you all an amazing Shabbos.